


Whostuck: Universal Turmoil

by RC_Taylor01



Category: Doctor Who, Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amy pond - Freeform, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Fanfiction, Gen, Graham O'Brian - Freeform, Jane Crocker - Freeform, Rory Williams - Freeform, Rose Lalonde - Freeform, Roxy Lalonde - Freeform, Ryan Sinclair - Freeform, Yazmin Khan - Freeform, dave strider - Freeform, dirk strider - Freeform, eleventh doctor - Freeform, jade harley - Freeform, jake english - Freeform, john egbert - Freeform, river song - Freeform, thirteenth doctor - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:49:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 31,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24426799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RC_Taylor01/pseuds/RC_Taylor01
Summary: A mysterious mishap in both canon and space-time sends the Homestuck kids into the universe of Doctor Who, forcing them to take on the roles of The Eleventh and Thirteenth Doctors and their respective companions. Encounters with aliens, adventures through time, and the endless void of space await them. Fortunately, after a days-long binge-watchathon of every single episode of the series, they know what it takes to survive whatever they may face. But not even the expansive story of a decades-old television series can prepare them for what waits at the end. Will the kids be able to escape this impossible reality, or will they be trapped forever in an unfamiliar world?
Comments: 9
Kudos: 13





	1. PROLOGUE

# PROLOGUE

Sunday night on a warm spring night on Earth C. The golden sun sets as its light seeps into John's house. All of the humans are gathered in John's living room for a marathon. No, not a movie marathon. A _Doctor Who_ marathon! Jake and Jade invited them all over to get caught up on every single _Doctor Who_ episode ever before the special episode that night. After watching over fifty-five years' worth of The Doctor's time and space antics, all but Jake and Jade are on the verge of entering a long slumber, with the others either sprawled out on the floor or resting their head on either of the Harlenglishes.

JAKE: Come on everyone!  
JAKE: Dont fall asleep now!  
JAKE: We dont have long before the special starts!  
JADE: yeah, this is what weve been waiting for!  
JADE: wake up, wake up, wake up!  


Jake and Jade, the only two who are wide awake and fully excited about the special, begin to nudge, shake, and gently slap the others into waking up, one by one. All except Dirk, who has been asleep for the past three hours.

JAKE: Dirk wake up!  
DAVE: dont get your trousers in a bundle dude  
DAVE: i got this  


Dave scoots over to Dirk, careful not to be too loud, then snatches his shades right off of his face. Almost immediately, Dirk jolts into action and quickly swipes his shades back from Dave. No one touches the anime shades.

DIRK: No one touches the anime shades, broham.  
ROSE: Can either of you explain why you made us watch hours upon hours upon hours of this sci-fi _Back To The Future-esque_ nonsense?  
ROXY: ah c'mon, rose.  
ROXY: they just wanna share their interests with us.  
ROXY: they coulda done it gradually over a longer period of time, though, tbh.  


Jake chuckles sheepishly and blushes while Jade bites her lip and turns away. In retrospect, maybe the ridiculously time-consuming binge-watchathon was a bit much. But when it comes to _Doctor Who,_ those two do not play around. Evident by the fact that despite having seen every episode fifteen times, they still refuse to miss a single moment. Talk about being a die-hard Whovian.

JANE: I'm just wondering whose grand idea it was to get those two into this show in the first place.

Jane, Rose, Roxy, Dirk, and Dave all slowly turn their heads to face John, who sits as still as a statue, beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

JOHN: why are you all looking at me like that?  
DAVE: you were the one who told jake to watch it  
JANE: Who then told Jade to watch it.  
ROSE: Which then led to them getting hooked on it.  
DIRK: Which led to this "binge-watchathon".  
DIRK: Stupid name, by the way.  
JAKE: I beg your pardon?  
JOHN: hey, i can't help it if jake's voice reminds me of the doctor.  
JOHN: he just has the accent.  
JOHN: i can't control that.

John waits for a counter-argument, almost anticipating one. When Jane and the Strilondes remain silent, he smiles from ear to ear. One point for the Egboy.

JANE: What's so important about this special episode, anyway? :/  
DIRK: Yeah, we don't know jack shit about it.  
JADE: thats the point!  
JADE: thats what makes it so special!  
JADE: every single thing about it is a surprise! :)  
JAKE: No teasers no trailers no prior knowledge!  
JAKE: Not even the cast knew about it!  
JAKE: We are going in as blind as a bat!  
JAKE: Doesnt that sound like a spectacular time?

Hi. Hello. I'm the Narrator. Don't worry about what my name is. It doesn't matter. Anyway, I felt that now would be an appropriate time to introduce myself. And just a little side note, there will be times where I give my input on or make suggestions to the characters that can't hear me or share my internal thoughts that have little to no relevance to the story. Like as follows: "No, Jake. In fact, it sounds like the exact opposite. But, you're a Page of Hope, so your optimism and enthusiasm for this incredibly ominous episode of _Doctor Who_ is respected. I truly worry about you sometimes, buddy." I'll also occasionally speak to you, like I'm doing right now. Unfortunately, there's no convenient way for me to differentiate it from my regular narration, so that's up to you. Do some thinking while you read, dammit.

ROXY: jakey, i love ya dearly, but if this special episode ends up bein a hot steamin pile, i'll pinch you.

Jake shudders. Roxy would never do anything too harmful to him, but her pinches are hard enough to make a bear cry. If you're ever threatened with a Roxy pinch, you better hope you don't fuck up.

JADE: shhh!  
JADE: its starting!  
JADE: i am so excited!!! XD  
JAKE: EVERYONE BE QUIET!  
JAKE: _DOCTOR WHO_ IS STARTING!  
DAVE: but no ones even-

Before Dave can even finish his statement, Jake shoots him a look that he's never shot before. I'm gonna spare you the details, but that look definitely left Dave in utter shock. Don't get between Jake English and _Doctor Who._

Anyway, the program starts off like any usual episode, with the title sequence and theme song. Jake and Jade sing along to the catchy melody as it plays. But just a mere moment later, right before the title sequence ends, the screen freezes. Jade and Jake frown, then scowl, then shout. Damn, three emotions expressed within the time frame of five seconds.

JAKE: You have got to be pulling on my leg!  
JAKE: So many hours wasted!  
JAKE: This is-  
JAKE: POPPYCOCK!  
JADE: what are we gonna do for the next hour?! :o  
JANE: Take us all home, so we can get back to our lives?   
ROXY: i'm sorry, jakey. maybe itll come on again another day. we can watch it then.

Just then, the screen starts moving again, but in reverse. The theme plays in reverse, as well. It's also unbearably loud and grating. Everyone covers their ears, but it's no use. The melody continues to enter their ears, causing them all to wail in pain.

DIRK: What the fuck?!  
DIRK: Jake, what the hell did you do?!  
JAKE: I didnt do anything! I swear on my dear nebula!  
JOHN: someone turn the tv off!

Jade rises from the couch and rushes over to the TV, but trips before she can make it, causing her gasses to fall off.

JADE: dammit!  
JADE: my glasses!  
ROSE: Forget about them!  
ROSE: Focus on turning the TV off!  
JANE: This noise is giving me a headache!

Jade nods, then makes her way to the TV. She is cautious to not break her glasses as she tries to find the power button on the TV. It doesn't take her too long to find it, but before she can push it, she looks at the screen and notices something.

JADE: uh, guys, is it just me, or does it look like the time vortex is coming out of the tv screen?  
DAVE: no  
DAVE: no i see it too  
DAVE: we gotta get out of here!  
DIRK: Then let's book it!

There's no other choice. Everyone attempts to exit the building, completely abandoning the initial plan. Fortunately, the nearest door isn't that far. Once everyone is outside, John does a headcount. Everyone's safe and accounted for. Except for Jade. I don't know about you, but this has me on the edge of my seat!

JAKE: Wheres jade?  
JAKE: We cant leave without her!  
JAKE: We have to go back!  
ROXY: she must still be in the house!  
ROXY: cmon, we gotta save her!

Without a second thought, everyone rushes back into the house to rescue Jade, but the group is met with a terrifying sight: the time vortex has completely overtaken the living room, and Jade is no where to be seen. 

JAKE: Jade!  
JANE: What do you think happened to her?  
DIRK: Something that I won't let happen to any of us.  
DIRK: I'm going in after her!

Dirk charges into the time vortex, leaving everyone else surprised. Except me, of course.

ROSE: Should we go in after him?  
JANE: Do we have much of a choice?  
JOHN: i guess it's settled, then.  
JOHN: whatever lies beyond that whirlwind thing-  
JAKE: Time vortex.  
JOHN: time vortex, yeah.  
JOHN: dirk and jade are likely in danger.  
JOHN: and we have to save them.  
JAKE: I believe i have an idea whats on the other side of that vortex.  
JAKE: But the only way to be certain is if we go through.

Jake walks towards the time vortex, then turns to face the rest of the group. The glow from the vortex behind him makes him look heroic. Almost like a savior. I feel like this could be his time to truly shine. Don't you? Jake smiles, holds out his hand, and asks the best question he could ever ask:

JAKE: Do you want to come with me on an adventure?

Oh, damn. If I were there, I'd feel all inspired. "You bet your ass I'm gonna go with you, Jake." Okay, fuck, I'm getting sidetracked. Back to the story.

ROXY: we sure do!  
DAVE: whoa hold on now  
ROSE: We don't know what we're getting into.  
JANE: Yeah, something about this doesn't seem safe.  
ROXY: listen.  
ROXY: we played a game that ended our world, watched our guardians die, watched each other die, actually fuckin died multiple times, and are now traumatized adults that missed out on our teenage years.  
ROXY: whatever is through that time vortex aint gonna be shit compared to that!  
ROXY: we are goin in there to save em!

Now Jake and Roxy stand in front of the time vortex. The mere sight of their heroic sillouhettes fills the others with determination. No, I don't think I can say that in this. Fuck. Whatever, just roll with it. The former Sburb heroes are reinvigorated and ready to face whatever comes their way. One by one, they enter the time vortex, not knowing where it goes, or what will happen to them on the other side. Before entering the time vortex, Jake says what everyone would consider to be his signature phrase:

JAKE: Tally ho.


	2. JADE: Wake Up==>

# JADE: Wake Up==>

Jade slowly opens her eyes. Her vision is blurry, and her head is aching. She lays on the floor of a mysterious, hi-tech room, unlike anything she'd seen before. She sits up and starts to feel around for her glasses.

JADE: oh, come on.  
JADE: where are they?

She's not even entirely sure that her glasses are nearby. As far as she knows, they're back in John's house. Panicked, Jade picks up the pace and starts to crawl around to find her circular spectacles.

JADE: come on!  
JADE: they cant be that far!

Just then, there's a tap on her shoulder, followed by a comforting voice.

ROSE: Looking for these, Jade?  
JADE: rose?  
JADE: rose, where are you?  
ROSE: I'm right next to you.  
ROSE: On your left.  
ROSE: I've got your glasses.  
ROSE: I even cleaned them.  
ROSE: Put them on, quick.  
ROSE: There's something you need to see.

Jade reaches to her left until she feels her glasses. She smiles at Rose, then puts them on to see what she was talking about. Jade cannot believe her eyes. She's in the TARDIS. Thirteen's TARDIS, to be exact. She perks up and begins to take a close look at everything: the console, the pillars, the round things. Everything from Thirteen's TARDIS is there in the flesh. Tech? Mechanism? Whatever, the point is, it's all there and tangible. She then turns her attention to Rose, when she notices something strange about her clothes.

JADE: whoa.  
JADE: what are you wearing?  
JADE: leather jacket, a blouse, jeans, and boots?  
JADE: and not even a hint of lavender to be seen?  
JADE: youd never wear anything like that! :o  
ROSE: It's not like I *chose* to wear this.  
ROSE: All I remember is that me and the others were in John's house, gearing up to save you, then the next thing I know, I woke up just outside with John and Dave.  
ROSE: I didn't see you anywhere, but there was this big, blue box close by.  
ROSE: I had assumed you were in here, so I came in and, to my surprise, the box was-  
ROSE: -bigger on the inside. JADE: bigger on the inside.  
JADE: yes, thats how the tardis works.  
JADE: you said that john and dave were just outside?  
ROSE: Yeah, but they weren't awake yet.  
JADE: then lets go check on them!

Jade speeds out of the TARDIS, opening the doors with a snap before she gets too close. Rose follows her outside to search for John and Dave. The TARDIS is parked in a nearly-empty storage unit. Wait, what kind of storage unit is-? Y'know what? Never mind.

JADE: i still cant believe that we were just inside the tardis! :D  
JADE: what do you think this means?  
ROSE: No idea, but we have to find the boys.  
ROSE: Knowing them, they might have gotten into some sort of trouble.

Glass shatters in the distance, followed by a shout from a certain blonde guy with shades and a stoic stare.

DAVE: ah come on john!

Jade and Rose sigh deeply. As predicted, John and Dave have gotten into some sort of trouble.

They trace the sequence of sounds into a nearby pile of kitchen supplies. As the shattering sound would suggest, there's broken glass on the floor. A plate must have fallen down. John and Dave have since backed away from the pile to avoid breaking anything else.

ROSE: I thought I told you two to stay close.  
DAVE: but you never said *how* close we had to stay  
DAVE: look we werent that far from that box anyway  
JOHN: plus, it was just a plate in a storage unit.  
JOHN: the owners might just think it slipped out somehow.  
JOHN: that's happened to me once.  
ROSE: Well, as long as you're both safe.  
ROSE: Now, we have to get back into that box and see what's going on.

John and Dave look at the TARDIS. And I mean _really_ look at it, wondering how in the hell all four of them could fit in there.

JADE: i know that might sound ridiculous, but trust us.  
JADE: get in the box.

John and Dave follow Jade and Rose back to the TARDIS. Jade and Rose enter immediately, but John and Dave hesitate. Soon enough, however, they enter the TARDIS, where their entire worldview changes forever.

JOHN: whoa.  
DAVE: no way  
JOHN: you're kidding me.  
DAVE: this shouldnt be possible  
JOHN: how can a box that small on the outside-  
DAVE: be so much bigger on the inside?!  
ROSE: Your guess is as good as mine.  
JADE: im gonna sum it up as simply as possible.  
JADE: its alien tech.  
JADE: now i need to get to work.  
JADE: i need to figure out what happened.

Jade walks over to the TARDIS console and messes with the controls a bit, looking for any clues to help confirm her theory. She searches through any files she could find before finally finding a file labeled "WARNING".

JADE: hey i found something.  
JADE: come take a look at this.  
DAVE: whatd you find?  
JADE: it looks like its a video.  
JADE: i think it was recorded to warn someone about something.  
JADE: lets give it a watch.  
JADE: there must be some answers in it.

The video starts off with static and a distorted voice. Eventually, the static and audio clears, revealing none other than The Thirteenth Doctor herself. She looks panicked, likely fearing for her life.

THE DOCTOR (13): Is this thing on? Yeah? Brilliant. If you're seeing this video, you are in grave danger. I'm so sorry for what you'll have to endure. I never wanted this to happen to unsuspecting humans, but this is my own fault. I was careless. Something happened in my reality, and it made a negative impact on yours. As a result, you have been tasked to live as me and my companions. I know this might be a scary thought, especially if you're unfamiliar with life as or with me, but I need you all to listen to the one in my shoes. They'll know everything you'll need to do to make it until I can set things right. Stay safe.

The feed cuts out. Jade steps away from the console, a thousand questions forming in her mind. Why were they chosen? How did this happen? How long do we have to endure? Then she looks at her clothes. They're the exact same as The Thirteenth Doctor's outfit. Suddenly, everything becomes clear to her. Something happened to The Doctor and her companions, and it's up to Jade, John, Rose, and Dave to take their place.

JADE: whoa. :o  
JADE: so *thats* what happened.  
JADE: the time vortex put us in this world.  
DAVE: hold on  
DAVE: lemme get this straight  
DAVE: were in the _doctor who_ world right now?  
JADE: yes.  
JOHN: and you're the doctor?  
JADE: yes.  
ROSE: And John, Dave, and I are her- or rather, *your*- companions?  
JADE: yes.  
JADE: graham obrien, ryan sinclair, and yazmin khan, respectively.  
DAVE: that explains why youre dressed like a grandpa dude  
JOHN: shut up, dave!  
JOHN: i look incredible!  
ROSE: So we just have to live as if we're The Doctor and her companions?  
ROSE: With you essentially being the _Doctor Who_ guru in the group, that should be easy.  
JADE: thats true, but theres still one question left that needs answering.  
ROSE: What?

Jade looks at the other Betas with worry in her eyes. The question should be obvious to the others, but it seems that it's gone over all of their heads.

JADE: where are the alphas?

Then the worry starts to settle in. The Alphas were in the house when the time vortex took Jade, and they all remember Jake being the last one to enter, so where are they? More importantly, what kind of danger could they be facing?

JOHN: maybe we should look for them.  
JOHN: we probably got lucky with the tardis being in a storage unit, but what if the alphas are currently being held hostage or something?  
DAVE: damn right egbert  
DAVE: who knows what could be happening to them  
DAVE: theyre probably in deep rubbish right now

Dave furrows his brows. Why did he just say "rubbish?" He'd never used that word a day in his life.

DAVE: deep rubbish  
DAVE: rubbish  
DAVE: why cant i say "rubbish?"  
DAVE: dammit!  
ROSE: Dave, are you trying to swear?  
DAVE: yes  
DAVE: but why cant i?  
DAVE: this is bull-rubbish!  
DAVE: jade i hope you have an answer for this  
JADE: _doctor who_ is a family program.  
JADE: swear words arent allowed.  
ROSE: Which means that any time we attempt to use a swear word, it's replaced with a word or phrase with a similar intensity.  
JOHN: well, dave, it looks like you're gonna have to go pg until this is all sorted out.

Behind his shades, Dave's eyes are watering, but not for himself. All he can think about is how his dear Karkat will be able to accurately express his emotions without his trademark swear-a-second speech pattern. Meanwhile, the others turn to Jade for advice.

JOHN: so, jade, how are we gonna find the alphas?  
JOHN: i doubt you know how to pilot this thing.  
JOHN: and even if you did, we don't know where they ended up.  
ROSE: I concur.  
ROSE: You haven't really come into the role of The Doctor yet.  
JADE: whats that supposed to mean?   
ROSE: Well, you clearly have the role of The Doctor, who said that you'll know everything we need to do to survive this, but you seem just as confused as we are.  
DAVE: what if time hasnt caught up with her yet?  
JOHN: what?  
DAVE: remember when we were watching the fiftieth anniversary special?  
DAVE: the part where the doctor with the bowtie and no eyebrows hatched a plan and it went to the old doctor first and then to the one with the long coat

"Way to go, Strider! Asking the important questions! I knew there was a reason you're my favorite of the bunch!"

ROSE: That- that actually makes sense.  
ROSE: If memory serves me right, Thirteen is the latest Doctor, right?  
ROSE: She was the first to receive the information of what's going on, but there's thirteen others that have yet to receive that same information.  
JOHN: but what if the people filling the roles of the other doctors aren't able to receive it?

Suddenly, an idea hits Jade harder than a large, metal ball falling at three hundred miles per hour hits the concrete.

JADE: i could send a message to them!  
JOHN: what? ROSE: What? DAVE: what?  
JADE: i could use my mind to send the message to the past doctors!  
JADE: how do you think war, ten, and all the other doctors understood what eleven was talking about?  
JADE: how else could they have known exactly what to do seemingly out of nowhere?  
JADE: eleven used his mind to send a message backwards through his own timestream!  
JOHN: but, jade, that can't be possible.  
JADE: says the guy with retcon powers. :/  
JADE: this will work.  
JADE: just trust me.  
JADE: im the doctor. 

As ridiculous as Jade's plan sounds, it's the best option on the table at the moment. The others have no choice but to let her give it a try. John, Rose, and Dave each give Jade a thumbs-up, the universal gesture of acceptance, and stand back as Jade places her fingers on her temples, preparing to send the message to those in the position of the past Doctors.


	3. JAKE: Receive Jade's Message==>

# JAKE: Receive Jade's Message==>

We now shift our focus to the Alphas. However, unlike a certain webcomic that will not be named that this story is sort of based off of, we're not gonna go through the same song-and-dance twice, so I'm just gonna sum things up with a quick preemptive recap. _Ahem._

Jake woke up in Eleven's first TARDIS, dressed as The Eleventh Doctor. Roxy, dressed as River Song was in the TARDIS when Jake woke up and greeted him with a...

ROXY: wakey wakey jakey! ;3

Now, this is where things get a little different. Jane and Dirk burst into the TARDIS, dressed as Amy Pond and Rory Williams, respectively. Which is when Jake finds out that his theory was correct: the time vortex led to the _Doctor Who_ world. Then Dirk found out that swearing is a big no-no, he had a mini breakdown, yadda, yadda, yadda. And now, here we are with Jake receiving Jade's message.

JAKE: Wait.  
JAKE: Im getting something.  
JAKE: Theres a voice in my head.  
DIRK: A voice?  
DIRK: Do I need to take you to the therapist or something?  
ROXY: dirk!  
JAKE: No no no.  
JAKE: Not like that.  
JAKE: Its sort of like that voice in your head that tells you to stop when youre doing something bad.  
JANE: Your conscience?  
JAKE: Well yes but it doesnt sound like me.  


Roxy, Jane, and Dirk look at Jake with total bewilderment on their faces. Dirk starts to think that Jake really does need a therapist.

ROXY: how does your conscience not sound like you?  
ROXY: jakey im not understanding ya.  
JAKE: Okay let me clear up any befuddlement.  
JAKE: The voice isnt just calling out to me.  
JAKE: Its saying the word "everyone" which implies that the message is going out to more than one person.  
JAKE: I am one of the fortunate recipients of the message.  
JAKE: Its giving me advice.  
JANE: What's the voice saying?

Okay, okay, okay. The whole conversation is just a bunch of back-and-forth. The voice, which is obviously Jade, is saying that the recipients should check the TARDIS database for a file labeled "WARNING", just as she did, so they can find out what's going on. "Jeez, Jake, if you would just be more clear and concise instead of- You know what? I'm just gonna shut up and skip ahead a bit to when you find the video."

JAKE: Ah!  
JAKE: Yes!  
JAKE: Found it!  
JAKE: Now lets watch.  


Just like the video that the Betas found, the video starts off static-y and distorted, until eventually, The Eleventh Doctor comes into the frame.

THE DOCTOR (11): Hello. Hello. Can you see and/or hear me? Hello! Is this thing even working? Ah! Okay! We're rolling! Now, I don't have much time to say this, but I'm recording this message to warn you. And I only said that last bit in case I forget to label the file properly. I have a bit of a problem with that. Too many thoughts flood my head. I should get that checked out. Anyway! You're in danger. Just listen to whoever dons the bowtie and tweed jacket, and you should be fine. Good luck to you all. Geronimo.

Now, under normal circumstances, if someone is put in the role of authority or leadership, they immediately take charge. But if the person put in an authoritative role is Jake English, you get this:

JANE: Nope nope nope nope nope.  
JANE: I am not going to listen to Jake.  
JANE: He's obviously the least qualified to lead us.  
DIRK: Come on, Jane.  
DIRK: How could you say something like that?  
JANE: Did we or did we not just spend five minutes just waiting for Jake to explain something that he could've easily said in five seconds?  
JANE: He's too wordy!  
JANE: If we were all being held captive, he'd likely be too busy monologuing or something to say anything meaningful!  
JANE: And The Doctor is not wordy!  
ROXY: janey, did you even watch the same show as we did?  
ROXY: the doc's given so many speeches in their lifetime.  
ROXY: in fact i remember nine saying that if theres one thing he can do, its talk.  
ROXY: sure jakey may say some things that arent exactly useful sometimes, but he means well, and he can be a damn good doctor if he rly gives his all.  
ROXY: and if you cant see that, they maybe you aint cut out to be his companion!  
JANE: >:o  
DIRK: Holy moly.  
DIRK: Rolal just absolutely wrecked you, Crocker.  
JAKE: Thanks for standing up for me rox.  
ROXY: no prob!

With his companions (mostly) on his side, Jake springs into action. He rummages through the TARDIS, looking for anything that could help them on their god-knows-how-long trip. Nothing useful turns up, however. Just a bunch of junk, unnecessary tech, and the TARDIS manual. All useless.

DIRK: Uh, Jake?  
DIRK: Are you sure we won't need that manual?  
DIRK: It looks pretty important.  
JAKE: Did the doctor need the manual?  
DIRK: It would've saved him a lot of trouble with flying the TARDIS.  
JAKE: Then whyd he throw it into a supernova?  
JANE: Be cause he "disagreed with it".  
JANE: But you do know that you don't have to be *exactly* like him, right?  
JAKE: Im not trying to be exactly like the chap.  
JAKE: Im trying to be him but with the ol' English razzle-dazzle!  
JAKE: A healthy concoction of both.  


"Preach, English. Preach." Suddenly, an alarm goes off. Its loud, blaring cry makes it sound as if the TARDIS itself is shouting for help. Jake instinctively rushes over to the TARDIS console. Two words are slap-bang in the middle of the screen: INCOMING TRANSMISSION.

JAKE: Righty-o compadres!  
JAKE: Looks like someones contacting us.  
JAKE: Stay calm and collected.  
JAKE: Do not antagonize them.  
JAKE: Remember to-  
JANE: Jake, it's just a video call.  
JANE: Relax.  
ROXY: im certain that its just another doctor.  
ROXY: answer it jakey.  


Jake answers call as the others gather around him. The video feed is nothing but the interior of The Twelfth Doctor's TARDIS. Naturally, the gang expects to see the old, angry, white-haired Scotsman. Instead, they're met with a young, equally angry, black-haired troll.

JAKE: Karkat? JANE: Karkat? DIRK: Karkat? ROXY: karkat?  
KARKAT: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.  
KARKAT: IT'S ME.  
KARKAT: DID YOU GET THE DAMN MESSAGE?  
KARKAT: ALSO, CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN WHY WHENEVER I TRY TO USE MY TRADEMARK SWEAR WORD, IT GETS REPLACED WITH A TERM SIGNIFICANTLY LESS INTENSE?  
ROXY: karkat wut are YOU doing here?  
ROXY: you weren't watchin _doctor who_ were you?  
KARKAT: WHAT?  
KARKAT: NO!  
KARKAT: I WAS DOING SOMETHING MUCH MORE IMPORTANT!  
KARKAT: I WAS ENGAGED IN A MINISTRIFE WITH MY TRAINING DUMMY.  
KARKAT: STRANGELY, I WAS GETTING COMPLETELY OWNED.  
KARKAT: BY MY DAMN TRAINING DUMMY!  
DIRK: Whoa, whoa, whoa!  
DIRK: Settle down, Rant-as.  
DIRK: One thing at a time, bud.  


"Thank you, Dirk. That would've gotten really annoying." Karkat takes a deep breath and tells the Alphas what happened to him within the past half-hour. Waking up in Twelve's TARDIS, having two Carapacians as his companions, the message from Twelve. The whole shaboodly-bang. Why the fuck did I just say that? Come on, man. Stay professional.

KARKAT: SO, BASICALLY, I'M STUCK WEARING THIS PRETTY DAMN STYLISH SUIT WITH TWO BUMBLING CARAPACIANS BY MY SIDE.  
KARKAT: HAVE ANY OF YOU SEEN OR HEARD FROM DAVE?  
JAKE: ...  
JAKE: Blast it all.  
JAKE: We lost the betas.  
KARKAT: WHAT?!  
KARKAT: YOU LOST THE BETAS?!  
KARKAT: WHAT THE DEVIL IS WRONG WITH YOU, ENGLISH?!  
KARKAT: OH MY TROLL GOD, YOU ARE SO DENSE!  
ROXY: karkat take a chill pill!  
ROXY: if me, jane, and distri are with jakey, than dave, johnny, and rose are with jade.  
ROXY: you should try to talk to them and find out how daves doing.  
DIRK. Yeah, just use your TARDIS to call them.  
KARKAT: HEY, SPIKY DAVE, YOU THINK I DIDN'T TRY THAT?  
KARKAT: THE ACCURSED THING DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.  
KARKAT: APPARENTLY, I CAN'T CONTACT MY "FUTURE SELF", EVEN THOUGH THAT'S COMPLETE AND UTTER BULL-RUBBISH.  
KARKAT: THE BETAS CAN DEFINITELY VOUCH FOR ME ON THAT ONE.  
JAKE: Hmm...  
JANE: Oh no.  
JANE: I know that face.  
JANE: You've got an idea, don't you?  
JAKE: No no.  
JAKE: Just thinking.  
JAKE: What if time works differently here?  
JAKE: As in its not as flexible in this reality as it is in ours?  
KARKAT: PLEASE DON'T USE THE WORD "REALITIES".  
KARKAT: I DON'T WANT TO HAVE AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS IN FRONT OF THE COMPANIONS.  
ROXY: i think i get what jakey's saying.  
ROXY: after all, this ships name is an acronym, right?  
ROXY: "time and relative dimensions in space".  
ROXY: but there's barely any interdimensional travel in the show.  
KARKAT: IS THERE A POINT TO THIS, PINKY?  
ROXY: there most definitely is!  
ROXY: they're limitations that prevent us from reaching the end goal before we need to!  
ROXY: like when you play a video game, but you need to be a certain level before you can progress!  


"Great analogy, Roxy. Almost everyone plays video games now, so that's pretty easy to understand."

KARKAT: WELL, THAT MAKES SENSE, BUT WHAT'S LIMITING US?  
KARKAT: THIS MAY NOT BE *OUR* REALITY, BUT IT'S STILL REALITY.  
JAKE: The plot.  
JAKE: Every story must have a conflict.  
JAKE: I assume that our inability to contact jade is the first of many.  
JANE: Excuse me, did you say "the first of many?"  
JAKE: Yes first of many.  
JAKE: As evident by karkat and jade were currently in a multi-doctor story.  
JAKE: But not just *any* multi-doctor story.  
JAKE: An all-doctor story!  
JAKE: Every doctor will play an important role in this story.  
JAKE: Though i believe that for the sake of clarity the story will mostly focus on two or three doctors.  
JAKE: Dont want the audience to be overwhelmed.  
KARKAT: WELL, THANK YOU FOR SHEDDING SOME LIGHT ON THIS SITUATION.  
KARKAT: BUT WHILE YOU WERE YAPPPING AWAY, I THOUGHT OF SOMETHING.  
KARKAT: WHAT IF WHAT WE DO AFFECTS HOW JADE BEHAVES?  
JANE: Like the butterfly effect?  
KARKAT: NOT QUITE.  
KARKAT: I MEAN, IF I WERE TO LEAVE A NOTE FOR JADE IN THE TARDIS, SHE SHOULD BE ABLE TO FIND IT AND DO WHAT THE NOTE SAYS.  
JAKE: That could work!  
JAKE: But the note could get lost somehow.  
JAKE: Maybe you leave a reminder in the tardis?  
DIRK: Already took care of it.  
DIRK: The reminder's set to go off every five hundred years.  
DIRK: Pretty reasonable interval, right?.  
JANE: Not bad, Dirk!  
JANE: What are you reminding her to do?  
DIRK: To call all of the Doctors once they've all checked into their respective TARDISes.  
DIRK: A thirteen-way video call, if I may.  
DIRK: From the looks of things, we're just waiting on Eleven, Twelve, and Thirteen.  
DIRK: Jake, you wanna check in?  
DIRK: There's a face scanner on the console when you're ready.  
JAKE: Wait a tick.  


Jake reaches into his inner coat pocket, searching for a special tool. It's versatile, it unlocks almost everything, and it extends. But it doesn't work on wood. Shit, i just realized that it sounds like I'm talking about a dick. It's his Sonic Screwdriver. Fuck, that doesn't sound any better. Oh, by the way, I can swear because I'm not affected by the whole "no-swearing" filter. It's good to be the Narrator. Anyway, Jake, take it away!

JAKE: Here it is!  
JAKE: The tool necessary to get us through this kerfuffle!  
JANE: What the hell is that?  
JAKE: Its the sonic screwdriver!  
JAKE: Its a versatile tool used by almost every doctor.  
JAKE: Karkat check if you have yours.  


Karkat shrugs, the reaches into his inner coat pocket. He doubts that one tool can be so useful, but what's the harm in amusing the bespectacled bowtie boy? However, to his surprise, he pulls out Twelve's Sonic Screwdriver. The badass, blue one from Series Ten.

KARKAT: OH, YOU'VE GOTTA BE JOSHING WITH ME.  
JAKE: See?  
JAKE: Now i will tick my box then you do the same.  
JAKE: Jade should follow suit and then call all of us.  
JAKE: Ready nubs?  
KARKAT: READY.  
KARKAT: AND DON'T CALL ME "NUBS"!  


Jake activates the face scanner in his TARDIS console to check in. Karkat does the same in his TARDIS. And we can safely assume that Jade does the same in hers. All there is to do now is wait for the call.


	4. JADE: Call the Doctors==>

# JADE: Call the Doctors==>

Let's not waste time on the introduction here. This next thing's a pool, and we're diving right in!

JADE: okay!  
JADE: all the other doctors are ready.  
JADE: this will be between me and the other thirteen so i ask you to just listen okay?  
JOHN: yes, ma'am.  
ROSE: Understood.  
DAVE: got it  
DAVE: but i have a question  
DAVE: if theres fourteen doctors then why and how are you the thirteenth doctor  
DAVE: im no math whiz but that doesnt add up  
JADE: theres... a doctor that doesnt get talked about much.  
JADE: everyone after him refuses to acknowledge his existence.  
JADE: some dont even consider him to be a doctor because of what he represents.  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: was he the doctors emo phase  
JADE: something like that.  
JADE: okay.  
JADE: im making the call now.  


Jade presses a button on the side of the console, thereby starting the call. The screen is blank for a moment, only showing Jade's reflection. She starts to worry. Did the call not go through? Or has something happened to her fellow Doctors? The worry subsides when Karkat's face appears on screen.

JADE: karkat! :D  
KARKAT: JADE!  
KARKAT: GOOD TO SEE YOU!  
KARKAT: IS DAVE THERE?  
JADE: yeah, hes here.  
JADE: have you heard from the alphas yet?  


Jake pops up on the screen immediately after Jade's query, almost as if he was waiting for her to ask.

JAKE: Were all safe and accounted for.  
JAKE: Looks like dirks plan worked.  
JADE: awesome!  
JADE: whos next?  
SOLLUX: 2omeone wanna explaiin what2 goiing on here?  
SOLLUX: why am ii weariing thii2 riidiiculou2 piin2triipe suiit?  
SOLLUX: and mo2t iimportantly, what the hell happened two my gla22e2?  
JADE: pinstripe suit?  
JADE: you must be the tenth doctor!  
JAKE: I suppose that makes sense given that theres two tens and sollux dreams on both moons.  
KARKAT: GREAT.  
KARKAT: CAPTOR WAS DRAGGED INTO THIS MESS?  
SOLLUX: ii'm not two exciited about thii2 eiither, kk.  
EQUIUS: D--> This coat is too tight on my body  
EQUIUS: D--> I am surprised it hasn't been destroyed yet  
EQUIUS: D--> The material must be e%ceptionally STRONG  
SOLLUX: zahhak?  
SOLLUX: are all of u2 iinvolved iin thiis?  
EQUIUS: D--> It would appear so  
EQUIUS: D--> I made contact with all of the ones before me, and they were all our fellow trolls  
JAKE: Will they be joining us any time soon?  
SOLLUX: ii hope 2o.  
SOLLUX: ii can't waiit two 2ee who eriidan and feferii are.  
KARKAT: CAPTOR, I SWEAR, IF YOU'RE PLOTTING SOMETHING-  
GAMZEE: hEy eVeRyOnE.  
GAMZEE: hOw's aLl yOu fOlKs dOiNg?  
JADE: uh oh.  
JAKE: Anyone but *him*.  
KARKAT: IS THIS MY HELL?  
SOLLUX: ii dont liike the look2 of thii2.  
EQUIUS: D--> Fellow highb100d  
GAMZEE: hOnK. :o)  


"Ah, Gamzee. Nobody loves you except me. If I were there, I'd give you a hug." Everyone is silent, waiting for someone to say something. The awkwardness is very prominent.

GAMZEE: hElLo?  
GAMZEE: aNyOnE GoNnA SaY AnYtHiNg?  
GAMZEE: dOn't bE AlL LeAvIn tHe cLoWn HaNgIn, FoLkS.  
JADE: uh, well-  
JADE: it seems like the doctors are joining in reverse sequential order.  
JADE: im thirteen.  
KARKAT: AND I'M TWELVE.  
JAKE: Which makes me eleven.  
SOLLUX: a2 jade 2aiid earliier, ii'm ten.  
EQUIUS: D--> Which would make me nine  
GAMZEE: dOeS ThAt mAkE Me eIgHt?  


Jake and Jade, being the only ones who know, decide to explain why Gamzee's presence is essentially unsettling. Well, more than it usually is.

JADE: dave, i hope youre listening.  
JADE: gamzee, youre not the eighth doctor.  
JADE: youre the war doctor.  
JAKE: In _doctor who_ the war doctor is the incarnation of the doctor that they refuse to acknowledge.  
JAKE: The horrible things he did were the exact opposite of what the doctor is supposed to stand for.  
JAKE: He... essentially committed mass genocide of his own race.  
JADE: i am so sorry that this role was forced upon you.  
JADE: youre basically the outcast.  
JADE: is that okay?  
GAMZEE: hEy dOn't FrEt.  
GAMZEE: i'mMa jUsT CoNtInUe bEiN A ChIlL MaMmA-JaMmA.  
GAMZEE: aIn't nO KiLlInG HaPpEnInG WiTh mE Y'AlL.  
GAMZEE: hOnK. :o)  


Knowing that Gamzee is one of the more... let's say, eccentric trolls, everyone is skeptical. But who would doubt such a cute face? I mean, come on! What? Murderstuck? That didn't happen! Don't bring it up again. Also, there's a shitload of colorful text coming up. You've been warned.

GAMZEE: sO WhEn's eVeRyOnE ElSe jOiNiNg uS?  
GAMZEE: a mAmMa-jAmMa's gEtTiN KiNdA BoReD.  
KANAYA: I Am Here  
KANAYA: And I Was Listening To Your Conversation Jade  
KANAYA: I Assume I Am The Eighth Doctor  
JADE: kanaya!  
JADE: so glad you could join us!  
KANAYA: And I Am Very Glad To Have Joined Despite The Fact That I Never Had Much Of A Choice  
KANAYA: I Am Sure There Must Be Some Sort Of Explanation For This  
TEREZI: 1F SO, C4N W3 W41T UNT1L TH3 OTH3RS G3T H3R3?  
KARKAT: TEREZI MUST BE SEVEN, THEN.  
FEFERI: S)(ello!  
FEFERI: I )(ope everyone is doing w)(ale!  
JADE: welcome, feferi!  
FEFERI: O)(, I just glub, glub, glub t)(is coat!  
FEFERI: So colorful and pretty!  
FEFERI: And it reminds me of a quilt! 38D  
JADE: you look gorgeous, feferi!  
JADE: now we have our six!  
ARADIA: is this every0ne  
ARADIA: i feel like theres m0re pe0ple to wait 0n  
SOLLUX: aradiia!  
EQUIUS: D--> Aradia  
ARADIA: hell0 b0ys  
ARADIA: have the tw0 0f y0u finally put aside y0ur differences  
SOLLUX: ii 2ure hope 2o.  
EQUIUS: D--> There's no more bad b100d between us  
EQUIUS: D--> We are... bros now  
JAKE: Theres five.  
NEPETA: :33< *nepeta pops up out of hiding*  
NEPETA: :33< oh my goodness!  
NEPETA: :33< look at you all so-  
NEPETA: :33< stylish!  
JAKE: Nepeta!  
JAKE: Hows my favorite roleplay penpal?  
JAKE: Looking dapper by the way!  
NEPETA: :33< i'm pawsitively purrfect!  
NEPETA: :33< thanks fur asking!  
NEPETA: :33< and thanks fur the compliment!  
SOLLUX: that make2 nepeta four.  
ERIDAN: you all are givvin me a headace wwith all a your wwasteful chatter.  
ERIDAN: can you all do me a favvor and quiet dowwn?  
KARKAT: AMPORA, WHY ARE YOU SO FRILLY?  
ERIDAN: i look fabulous kar!  
KARKAT: I GUESS THREE MUST'VE BEEN MORE ON THE FLAMBOYANT SIDE.  
TAVROS: hEY, eVERYONE!!!  
TAVROS: gUESS WHAT???  
TAVROS: i HAVE LEGS, lIKE, aCTUAL HUMAN LEGS!!! }:D  
GAMZEE: tHaT'S FrEsH, tAvVy.  
JADE: two!  
TAVROS: sO, uH, wHAT'S THE GAME PLAN???  
VRISKA: Whatever it is, I 8etter not be sidelined for 8eing l8 to the party.  
VRISKA: And someone explain why, of all the gr8 roles I could've had, I got stuck with the old, grumpy guy. >::::(  
JAKE: Vriska!  
JAKE: Never thought id say this but glad youre here!  
JAKE: Youre the first doctor!  
JAKE: Now listen closely.  
JAKE: If you lay any of your filthy arachnid fingers on tavros its a one-way ticket to fisticuffs island for you!  
TAVROS: tHANK YOU, jAKE,,, }:)  
JAKE: Us pages have to stick together. ;)  
VRISKA: (My god, I h8 you 8oth.)  


Well, look at that. The gang's all here. But what have the companions been doing this whole time? Guess you'll just have to wait and see! Great, now I sound like one of those announcers for a cheesy anime. What am I doing with my life?


	5. JAKE: Let Your Companions Wander Off==>

# JAKE: Let Your Companions Wander Off==>

While The Doctors had their little thirteen-way video chat, their companions got bored after a while and decided to explore a bit. I'm focusing on Jake's companions first, because I feel like their exploration is more interesting. Also for structuring's sake. I need to be consistent, y'know.

JANE: Okay, it looks like you all have things under control.  
JANE: Is it okay if we head out for a bit to get a lay of the land?  
JAKE: Pardon?  
JAKE: Oh sure i dont mind.  
JAKE: Just dont wander off.  
JAKE: Theres no telling what dangers await outside those tardis doors.  
ROXY: bangin!  
ROXY: stay safe jakey! ;3  
DIRK: Make sure the trolls don't get anyone killed.  
DIRK: I'm looking at you, Serket.  
VRISKA: (I can't guarantee that I won't, 8ut I'll try!)  
JANE: Hey, Jake?  
JAKE: Hmm?  
JANE: Sorry about what I said earlier, about you not being cut out to be The Doctor.  
JANE: I was just stressed out and panicked.  
JANE: You're actually doing a bang-up job, English. :)  
JAKE: Thanks janey.  
JAKE: Now get to exploring!  
JAKE: Since i cant do it someone has to.  


Jake gives his companions his trademark double pistols and a wink as they exit the TARDIS to explore the new, strange world. However, to their surprise, the TARDIS seems to be parked on an abandoned planet, some might even say post-apocalyptic. The planet is covered in a dark gray dust-like substance, almost like ashes. Dirk squats down, scoops up a bit of the substance with his fingers, then licks them, causing Jane and Roxy to look at him with disgust.

DIRK: Don't look at me like that.  
DIRK: Jake would've done the same.  
JANE: Who's to say you didn't get that from him?  
DIRK: His sense of adventure might've rubbed off on me when we were together.  
DIRK: But what I meant was that The Doctor would've done it.  
DIRK: And last time I checked, Jake is The Doctor.  
ROXY: well didja at least find out what that substance was?  
DIRK: What?  
ROXY: that's why the doctor licks things.  
ROXY: to identify them.  


Dirk makes the Strilonde face. You know the one.

DIRK: I didn't think it had a purpose.  
DIRK: But it tasted like plain dirt.  
DIRK: So the planet didn't burn or suffer from a planet-wide volcanic eruption.  
DIRK: I think we're safe.  
DIRK: For now.  
ROXY: whaddya think the doc and his companions were doin here before we got sucked into this?  
JANE: Whatever it was, I hope it's easy for us to handle.  
JANE: I don't want to have to fight aliens again.  
DIRK: Well, there's only one way to find out.  
DIRK: Let's set fire to our feet and get moving.  
ROXY: hold on a minute.  
ROXY: shouldn't i be the one in charge?  
JANE: Jake didn't put you in charge, Roxy.  
ROXY: ugh.  
ROXY: do ya know nothing about our characters?  
ROXY: youre amy pond, the girl who waited.  
ROXY: she's a real kick-butt chick!  
ROXY: dirk, you're rory williams, amys husband who went from zero to second-rate hero!  
ROXY: and i am river song.  
ROXY: the doctors wife and a femme fatale.  
ROXY: she's seen almost every doctor and, even though her timeline goes opposite to theirs, she loves em all dearly.  
ROXY: if we're ever gonna get outta here well have to fit the roles we were given.  
ROXY: so i'm leadin this thing!  
DIRK: So let me get this straight.  
DIRK: Because you have the role of The Doctor's wife, that automatically makes you the second in command?  
ROXY: distri, you just licked dirt off the ground because the doctor does it without even knowing that it had a purpose.  
DIRK: Fair point.  
JANE: Well, in that case, lead the way!  
JANE: Aside from Jake and Jade, you were really into the binge-watchathon.  
DIRK: (Such a bloody stupid name.)  
JANE: I'll be happy to follow you!  
JANE: As long as you don't get us killed.  
ROXY: sweet!  
ROXY: jakey probably wouldnt mind if we went a few yards away, would he?  
ROXY: also, amy and rory are river's mother, making the doctor their son-in-law.  
JANE: What? DIRK: What?  


Jane and Dirk stand in surprise while Roxy heads toward a nearby village. Seems like being Jake's in-laws is something they never would've thought possible. Plus, seeing as how Jake's dated Dirk before, it makes things even weirder. But Jake, Roxy, Dirk, and Jane aren't Eleven, River, Rory, and Amy, so it's not that big of a deal, they suppose. 

ROXY: hey!  
ROXY: the two of you coming or what?  
JANE: Yeah!  
DIRK: Be right there!  


"Yeah, shift your asses. There's no time to dwell on trivial shit, y'all." The trip is short, only about five minutes. upon arriving at the village, the trio is greeted by a short, gray creature with beady eyes, stubby antennae, and long fingers.

ROXY: aww!  
ROXY: ain't you a cutie!  
ROXY: what's your name?  


The creature remains silent and tilts its head, having not understood Roxy.

DIRK: Hold on, let me try.  
DIRK: H e l l o, l o c a l!  
DIRK: W h a t i s y o u r n a m e?  
JANE: Dirk! >:(  
DIRK: What?  
DIRK: Talking slower always works in movies.  
DIRK: Plus, Roxy's accent probably made it difficult for the little guy to understand her.  
JANE: Well, this isn't a movie, Dirk!  
JANE: This is real life!  
ROXY: and what's wrong with my accent?  


"Nothing, Roxy. Nothing's wrong with your accent. Dirk's just jealous he sounds like a gay cowboy while you sound like a super cute Harley Quinn."

DIRK: Well, excuse me for using the little knowledge I have about communicating with foreign creatures!  
JANE: Did you not have consorts on your land?!  
JANE: Goodness sake, Dirk!  
ROXY: okay, you two!  
ROXY: the bickerin aint gonna get us nowhere!  
ROXY: im sure its just some simple translation thing.  
ROXY: jakey'll know.  
ROXY: c'mon, lets go ask him.  
DIRK: Wait, who's gonna stay behind with the creature?  
JANE: Well, since you asked, it looks like it'll be you.  
DIRK: Is this because I was insensitive about talking to it?  
DIRK: Or is Rory usually sidelined?  
ROXY: both.  
ROXY: brb in a bit!  


Dirk simply shrugs while Roxy and Jane head back to the TARDIS. There's no denying that him staying with the creature, no matter how you slice it, is fair. He sits down next to the creature and looks at it. A smile forms across his face as he looks into its eyes.

DIRK: You're a real cute thing, bud.  


Let's cut back to Jake and The Doctors for a bit. By now, they've all been debriefed on what's going an and are aware of their roles and how to fill them. They've also deduced that their roles were chosen based on how well they fit them. Some were satisfied, but others- _ahem,_ Vriska- were not.

JADE: okay, were all clear on who we are and what we need to do, correct?  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
JAKE: Jim dandy!  
SOLLUX: a2 clear a2 cry2tal!  
EQUIUS: D--> I would be a f001 if i didn't  
GAMZEE: i gOt tHe fLoW. :o)  
KANAYA: Yes  
TEREZI: P3RF3CTLY CL34R!  
FEFERI: I S)(HOR-E AM! 38D  
ARADIA: 0f c0urse  
NEPETA: :33< affurmative!!  
ERIDAN: vvery.  
TAVROS: i'M SO EXCITED!!! }:)  
VRISKA: This 8etter 8e good. >::::(  
JADE: good.  
JADE: now get to it!  


The feed cuts out, one by one, until Jake and Jade are left.

JADE: hey, jake?  
JAKE: Yes jade?  
JADE: do you think well be able to get out of here safely?  
JADE: you know, without dying?  
JAKE: Golly gee i cant exactly say for certain.  
JAKE: Dont get me wrong i believe that our teams and the trolls will do a splendiferous job!  
JAKE: But the trolls werent at the binge-watchathon and based on how much knowledge they were all lacking on basic whonomics they havent seen a single episode.  
JAKE: And aside from roxy no one else but us were really invested in it either.  
JAKE: I do believe in them though.  
JAKE: I believe in everybody!  
JAKE: But theyll need our help.  
JAKE: Jade this is our time to shine.  
JAKE: Show them what we can *really* do!  
JADE: wow.  
JADE: you sound way more confident in them than i do.  
JADE: and what about me?  
JADE: ive only been a whovian for a couple years.  
JADE: do you think ill do great as thirteen?  
JAKE: Of course i do jade!  
JAKE: Youve done great so far leading the rest of us!  
JAKE: But hey.  
JAKE: Being top notch whovians is in our blood.  
JAKE: It comes naturally to us. ;)  


Jade smiles a bit as tears roll down her face. She finds herself now filled with hope. That tends to happen a lot with Jake. Sure, he may not be the brightest, and a lot of people only seem to care about his attractiveness, but as a Page of Hope, Jake always knows what to say to reinvigorate those around him, no matter what.

JADE: thanks, jake.  
JADE: you know, sometimes, you sound exactly like poppop.  
JADE: whenever i was crying, hed rush over to pick me up and make sure that i felt better.  
JADE: sometimes hed sing a song, other times, hed make a funny face.  
JADE: i want to say that i miss him, but every time i see you, i see him.  
JADE: i gotta say, whatever crazy science rubbish makes us related, im glad it exists. :)  
JAKE: Likewise.  
JADE: well, i should probably go and check on the others.  
JADE: its been a few minutes before they left to see the sights.  
JADE: and unfortunately, rose can only keep john and dave under control for so long.  
JADE: see you later!  
JAKE: See ya.  


Awwwwwwwww! What a cute moment between ecto-granparent and ecto-grandchild! I nearly teared up just thinking about it! Well, that's not true. But I wanted to! Anyway, I think we should get back to Jade and her antics.


	6. JADE: Check on Your Mates==>

# JADE: Check on Your Mates==>

Rose, John, and Dave are standing outside of the storage unit, waiting for Jade. They were passing the time by discussing their roles.

JOHN: i still can't believe that i got stuck with graham.  
JOHN: graham!  
JOHN: i could've been mickey, or danny, or jack!  
JOHN: but, nope!  
JOHN: i'm graham!  
JOHN: great!  


Well, damn, John. Cranky, much?

DAVE: im just trying to wrap my head around how graham is ryans grandpa  
DAVE: is it some sort of generational thing  
ROSE: Grace, Ryan's biological grandmother, married Graham.  
ROSE: Which, by law, makes him Ryan's grandfather.  
DAVE: oh  
DAVE: and what about yazmin?  
DAVE: where does she fit into all of this?  
ROSE: Yazmin, or "Yaz" to her friends, was Ryan's friend back in grade school.  
ROSE: They met again after Ryan touched an alien thing, then called the police for help.  
ROSE: Yaz showed up, then they got re-acquainted.  
ROSE: Later that day, they met The Doctor when she crashed through the roof of the train they were on.  
ROSE: After a dangerous pursuit-  
ROSE: Wait, why am I telling you all about this?  
ROSE: Were either of you paying attention during the binge-watchathon?  
JOHN: i don't really like thirteen's run.  
JOHN: not because she's a woman, but because it's just so different.  
JOHN: doesn't have the same vibes as the last four.  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: i barely made it through the first season  
JOHN: of the revival?  
DAVE: of the original  


Rose groans and rolls her eyes. Even though she was on her phone during the commercial breaks, which Jake and Jade were nice enough to not skip, she was just as invested in the story as Roxy. She spent the breaks taking notes on things that didn't really stand out to her that much. Basically, she took a lot of notes.

ROSE: I'm disappointed in both of you.  
JADE: hey guys!  
JADE: what's going on?  
ROSE: I had to educate the boys on their roles because, for some reason, they weren't paying attention.  
JADE: >:o  
JADE: how rude!  
JOHN: jade, give us a break.  
JOHN: we had watched so much, that most of us were asleep by the time the movie with paul mcgann started.  
DAVE: and im not much of a sci-fi dude  
JADE: still!  
JADE: you had all that time while i was talking with the other doctors, and neither of you thought about looking up your characters?  
JADE: shameful.  
JOHN: sorry. DAVE: sorry  


Having put both John and Dave in their place, Jade smiles from ear to ear and places her hands on her hips. I love when she does that!

ROSE: So what's on the agenda, Jade?  
JADE: good question!  
JADE: answer: we go and explore!  
JADE: tardis says we're on earth, so we know this place like the back of our hands!  
JADE: any landmarks to pinpoint where we are in the world?  
JOHN: no, i'm not seeing anything.  
JOHN: nothing familiar, at least.  
DAVE: just a bunch of ugly buildings  
DAVE: nothings standing out-  
ROSE: We're in Cardiff.  


Rose shows the others her phone, open on the GPS app. Yup. Cardiff. Jade looks at her with a raised eyebrow, then snatches her phone and puts it in her coat pocket.

ROSE: Hey!  
JADE: no cellphones.  
JADE: they ruin the fun.  
ROSE: Jade...  
JADE: you'll get it back if we ever need to split up.  
JADE: plus, they're just distracting.  
JADE: and you never learn to live in the moment.  
JADE: holy smokes, i sound like a grandma.  
JADE: here, you can have it back.  
JADE: just don't get to attached.  


Jade quickly gives Rose her phone back. The Doctor doesn't kill fun, they _welcome_ it! Especially Thirteen!

ROSE: Anyway, we're just walking around and seeing the sights?  
JADE: until danger rears its ugly head.  
JADE: which could happen at any given moment.  
JADE: so we best stay alert.  
DAVE: wait danger?  
DAVE: what kind of danger?  
JADE: oh, that can range from alien invasions to basic robberies to the total annihilation of reality as we know it.  
JADE: let's go! :D  
JOHN: ...  
ROSE: ...  
DAVE: ...  


Jade, acting as if she didn't fill her companions with dread, begins to wander around, looking for an area to rest and gain the group's bearings. John, Rose, and Dave reluctantly follow her. Hey, if you could die at any given time due to unforeseen circumstances, you'd be worried for your life, too.

Once they reach a public area, Jade stops abruptly and holds up a finger, signaling the others to stop as well. Something's wrong. She doesn't know what, but something is definitely wrong.

JOHN: something up, jade?  
JADE: definitely.  
JADE: someone look around for anything or anyone suspicious.  
DAVE: you mean besides that man over by the fountain wearing all silver and his face covered?  


Dave points in the direction of a nearby fountain, and sure enough, there's a man wearing all silver and his face covered up. "Keen eyes, Strider."

ROSE: Wow.  
ROSE: Good job, Dave.  
JADE: but how'd you know that's a man?  
JOHN: the face is covered up, and the clothes aren't exactly form fitting.  
DAVE: ive never met a woman that could rock a fedora  
JOHN: jane wears a fedora sometimes, dave.  
DAVE: i said _rock_ a fedora dude  
DAVE: that implies that the fedora looks good on them  
DAVE: and in janes case it doesnt  
DAVE: her heads the wrong shape  


Well, Dave's not wrong. "Jane, please invest in another type of headwear. I suggest a flat cap. Or a bonnet." Dave slowly approaches the masked man, keeping up his nonchalant, Strider cool guy facade. Yes, it's a facade! We all know what the dude's been through, people! Anyway, he makes multiple attempts to get the man's attention.

DAVE: excuse me sir  
DAVE: whats with the mask?  
DAVE: are you a germaphobe or something?  
DAVE: and why do you look like one of those street performers?  
DAVE: you know the kind im talking about  
DAVE: the robot dancer suckers  
DAVE: (i hate this bloody censorship)  
DAVE: hey!  
DAVE: can you hear me?!  


Rose rushes over to Dave and pulls him aside before he could provoke the masked man to the point of slapping the hell out of him. 

ROSE: Dave, what the hell are you doing?  
DAVE: what?  
DAVE: i was just trying to get his attention  
DAVE: jade said to look for anyone suspicious and this fella looks suspicious  
ROSE: You could've asked him a normal question!  
ROSE: Something like, "Do you know what time it is?" or "Where's the nearest restroom?"  
ROSE: Goodness sake, Dave!  


While Rose and Dave argue about whether or not what Dave did was socially acceptable,-it wasn't- John and Jade approach the Tinman, which is what we're gonna call him for now, and gently tap him on the shoulders.

JADE: hello! :D  
JADE: id first like to apologize for my blonde friends here.  
JADE: theyre not exactly well put together, if you know what i mean.  
ROSE: Hey! DAVE: hey!  
JADE: allow us to properly introduce ourselves.  
JADE: im ja-  
JADE: (no, wait, actually...)  
JADE: im the doctor, and these are my companions.  
JOHN: graham o'brien.  
DAVE: ryan sinclair i guess  
ROSE: Yazmin Khan.  
ROSE: (Jade, what are you doing?)  
DAVE: (yeah were not really these characters)  
JADE: (we have to fill the roles, and if that means taking their identities, then so be it.)  
ROSE: (Jade, your Yorkshire accent is horrendous.)  


It's kind of a shame that, despite spending so much time with Jake, Jade can't even do an _English_ accent, let alone a Yorkshire accent. Jake can do an American accent just fine. And Scottish. There's a lot of cool things about Jake that we don't really know.

JADE: (alright, fine.)  
JADE: scratch that, im jade harley, but you can call me doctor jade!  
DAVE: dave strider  
JOHN: john egbert.  
ROSE: Rose Lalonde.  
TINMAN: JADE HARLEY.  
TINMAN: DAVE STRIDER.  
TINMAN: JOHN EGBERT.  
TINMAN: ROSE LALONDE.  
TINMAN: I HAVE BEEN EXPECTING YOU.  


Tinman's voice is monotonous and mechanical. Almost robotic, even. That, along with the fact that he knew their names and claimed to be "expecting them" caught the gang by surprise. Looks of sheer confusion flash across all of their faces. Looks like Jade's instincts were right. Something is definitely off.

JOHN: uh, when you say you were expecting us, what exactly do you mean by that?  
TINMAN: I KNOW YOU.  
TINMAN: I AM HERE TO GUIDE YOU.  
TINMAN: YOU ARE LOST AND CONFUSED IN THIS UNFAMILIAR WORLD, AND MY PURPOSE IS TO AID YOU IN YOUR TRAVELS.  
ROSE: (Jade, does something seem off about that guy?)  


Jade takes a closer look at Tinman. She observes his clothing, his skin, his posture, anything that might stand out. Upon closer examination, she notices something about Tinman's mask. She then pulls the gang aside to discuss.

JADE: hold on a minute...  
JADE: tinmans mask looks a bit metallic, wouldnt you say?  
DAVE: huh  
DAVE: now that you mention it that mask looks less like a mask and more like a...  
DAVE: like a...  
ROSE: Face.  
ROSE: Jade, I don't like the looks of this.  
ROSE: Do you think you could use that tool?  
JADE: sonic screwdriver?  
JADE: yeah, i think that might work.  


Jade takes out her Sonic Screwdriver and walks back over to Tinman. Chills run through her body. Her first time using the real Sonic Screwdriver! Who _wouldn't_ be excited? She grasps the Sonic tightly, points it right at Tinman, then scans him with the push of a button. There's nothing more satisfying than the sound of the Sonic Screwdriver's trademark whizzing sound. Tinman is fortunately oblivious to the event. Jade checks the scanning results, and they're quite shocking. Evident by the extremely dramatic gasp Jade does.

JADE: team!  
JADE: gang!  
JADE: fam!  
JADE: tinmans not a tinman!  
JOHN: then what is he?  
JADE: hes a cyberman.  
JOHN: oh, jeepers creepers.  
DAVE: that must explain all the silver  
ROSE: And the metal face.  
ROSE: But Tinman doesn't apppear to be hostile.  
JOHN: and he said he's here to help.  
JOHN: hey, maybe he'll be kinda like handles!  
DAVE: handles?  
JADE: handles is a cyberman head that eleven had with him as a temporary companion.  
JADE: you might have a point, john.  
JADE: maybe we should let him help us, at least for now.  
TINMAN: EXCELLENT.  
TINMAN: EVERYONE, GATHER AROUND.  


The gang forms a circle around Tinman as he presses a button on the side of his face. A beam of light engulfs them as they start to levitate. It's a tractor beam, and they're being taken onto some sort of spaceship. The sensation of flight isn't exactly new to the gang, seeing as how they could fly ever since they ascended to God Tier, but the lack of freedom and control over it definitely was new to them. Within seconds, Tinman and the gang have disappeared from their location and have now boarded the spaceship. Sparing no time to talk, Tinman walks over to the control panel, his metal footsteps echoing through the ship. With the flip of a switch, the spaceship takes off into the far reaches of space.


	7. JAKE: Finish Wordy Explanation of TARDIS Translation Unit==>

# JAKE: Finish Wordy Explanation of TARDIS Translation Unit==>

JAKE: Basically due to the tardis knowing many different languages from the entire known galaxy its translation unit allows for easy communication amongst two different galactic species!  
JAKE: But only if its on of course.  


"Oh, Jakey, you absolute madman. You actually did it. You used far more words than necessary. I thought it to be impossible, but I guess that one song was true. Damn. I'm exhausted just from _one_ time, and the others have to deal with this daily? Dude!"

JANE: Can you just turn the translation unit on so we can get back to Dirk?  
JAKE: But it *is* on.  
JANE: What?!  
JANE: Then why can't we communicate with that little alien out there?!  
JAKE: Havent you considered the chance that the little feller might be a baby?  
ROXY: we hadn't considered that.  
ROXY: ugh, so dirks been out there trying to talk to a baby all this time?  
JAKE: He has indeed.  
JAKE: But dont get all in a kerfuffle ladies!  
JAKE: For i speak baby!  


Jake gets into a heroic pose as he makes his proud, yet strange declaration. Roxy and Jane look at each other, then back at Jake. There's no way he can speak baby. It's just not possible.

JAKE: What?  
JAKE: Dont believe me?  
JAKE: Understandable.  
JAKE: But i can prove it to you!  
JAKE: Just show me where the baby is and ill show you.  
ROXY: well if you say so, we might as well give it a shot!  
JANE: This is gonna be so dumb.  
JAKE: Wicked!  


Jake darts over to the ladies and opens the TARDIS doors with a snap. A wide grin forms on his face. Anyone can tell he's excited.

JAKE: Oh this is brilliant!  
JAKE: Adventure _doctor who_ and time with my two best ladies!  
JAKE: My three favorite things!  
ROXY: aww jakey!  
JANE: Okay, that was sweet, but can we just get back to Dirk now?  
JAKE: Absolutely!  


Jake, followed by Jane and Roxy, exit the TARDIS, making sure to close the doors behind him. In a matter of minutes, the gang finds Dirk playing with the baby alien. If you ask me, I'd say Dirk would be a great dad.

JAKE: Howdy ho dirk!  
DIRK: Hey, you're back!  
DIRK: And you brought Jake!  
DIRK: Smart choice.  
JANE: He says he can talk to babies, so we thought why not let him tag along?  
ROXY: besides an adventure without doctor jake is no adventure at all!  
JAKE: Doctor jake?  
JAKE: I love the sound of that!  
DIRK: Talking to babies?  
DIRK: Well, after spending some time with the alien, I came to the conclusion that it's undoubtedly a baby, but there's no way Jake can-  
JAKE: So whats a wee little thing like you doing out here without an adult?  


Surely enough, to Dirk and Jane's surprise and Roxy's amazement, Jake is having a full-blown conversation with the alien baby. Frankly, I don't see why the former two are so surprised by it. I mean, in a world where an alien with thirteen lives and two hearts travels through time and space using a time-and-spaceship that's bigger on the inside and looks like a 1960's-era police box, it's the talking to babies that's ridiculous? Damn, that's tough.

DIRK: Huh.  
DIRK: I guess I was wrong.  


"Yes, you were, Dirk."

JAKE: Haha yes he can be a little dull when it comes to experiences like these.  
JAKE: I think its a side effect of all that hair gel.  
DIRK: (I don't use *that* much hair gel.)  
ROXY: what did the little guy say?  
JAKE: She said she wants us to follow her to her village.  
JAKE: Apparently were needed there?  
JAKE: Also she wants to be called j'cleia!  
JAKE: Isnt that a cute name?  


For those of you wondering how to pronounce the name, which is all of you, it's juh-CLAY-uh. You're welcome.

ROXY: well its a pleasure to finally meet ya j'cleia.  
ROXY: why don'tcha shift those little legs of yours and lead us to your village, you cutie?  
JANE: Roxy, I don't think she'll understand you.  
ROXY: woudnt hurt to try, right?  
ROXY: besides, if jakey can speak baby, who says i can't?  
JAKE: Oh roxy always the optimist.  
JAKE: Sorry but only *i* can fully communicate with j'cleia.  
JAKE: I hope that doesnt bother you.  
ROXY: consider me hot and unbothered!  
ROXY: emphasis on hot.  
ROXY: wonk ;3  
JAKE: Hehehe.  
JAKE: J'cleia you heard the blonde lass.  
JAKE: Take us to your village!  
DIRK: Jake, you're enjoying this, aren't you?  
JAKE: Indubitably!  


Per Roxy's request, J'cleia starts scampering towards her village. She doesn't move too fast, but Jake has a good sense of urgency. Whatever it is she wanted to show our travelers, it wasn't good. He puts his well-defined legs into motion and starts running behind J'cleia. Jane, Roxy, and Dirk follow not far behind him.

JANE: Why are we running?!  
JAKE: Because j'cleias running!  
JAKE: Which means potential danger!  
DIRK: Or maybe she's just excited?!  
DIRK: That's always a possibility!  
JAKE: That may be true but is it the most likely scenario?!  
JAKE: Plus i have an impeccable sense of urgency.  
JAKE: I *did* grow up on an island riddled with monsters.  
DIRK: Fair point, bro.  
ROXY: i think i see the village up ahead!  
JAKE: Wicked!  
JAKE: WHOA!!!!  


Looks like J'cleia forgot to mention that there was a deep ravine right in front of the village. Fortunately, Jake and the others manage to stop before they end up plummeting thousands of feet to their death. The ravine proves to be no issue for J'cleia. She just floats above the ravine using her alien abilities, because calling them powers would imply that she's not supposed to have them. Still, it's pretty fucking amazing.

JAKE: Okay thats a big drop.  
JANE: The ground feels brittle.  
JANE: One wrong move, and we might fall to our deaths.  
JANE: I think we should turn back.  
ROXY: but there might be trouble in the village!  
ROXY: we cant let jcleia's kin die!  
DIRK: Ah, shoot.  
DIRK: Looks like we'll have to find some way across.  
DIRK: Anybody see anything we could-  
DIRK: HEY, JAKE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!  


Jake jumps. Right into the ravine. The brash lad.

JAKE: GERONIMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
DIRK: For God's sake.  
DIRK: Jake has officially lost it.  
DIRK: It'd be a miracle if he survives that.  
JANE: Dirk, do you hear yourself?!  
JANE: There's no way he'll survive that!  
JANE: We've established that falling into the ravine would lead to death!  
ROXY: true, but hed probs regenerate.  
JANE: But then we'd be stuck with Shouty McNubhead!  
JANE: I don't want that!  
DIRK: Hold on.  
DIRK: Either of y'all hear that?  


A faint noise from deep within the ravine. The sound of... grinding? Groaning? Some kind of windstorm? What could it be? I already know the answer, since I'm basically the god of this story. I could tell Dirk to slap himself and he would. Watch. Dirk slaps himself.

DIRK: Ow.  
DIRK: Why'd I do that?  


See? God. Anyway, the noise gets louder and louder as a bright light emerges from the dark ravine. The light is so bright that it's almost blinding, so the "remaining" adventurers shield their eyes. The light dims, revealing none other than Jake, inside the TARDIS.

JAKE: Great googly moogly!  
JAKE: I didnt think thatd actually work!  
JANE: My god, Jake!  
JANE: That was so dangerous!  
JANE: Why didn't you tell us you we're going to jump?!  
JANE: And you didn't think it'd work?!  
JANE: Jake, you are just so...  
JANE: THICK!  
JAKE: I *am* a madman with a box.  
JAKE: Come on hop in!  


Roxy gets a running start before leaping into Jake's arms.

JAKE: Hello rox.  
ROXY: heya, jakey.  
JANE: You two are insane.  
DIRK: Stop being such a Negative Nancy, Jane.  
DIRK: Let's have little fun while we're here, okay?  
DIRK: Loosen up a bit.  
JANE: Well, I'm definitely not jumping over that ravine.  
DIRK: Then I'll carry you.  
DIRK: Hup!  


Dirk picks Jane up and carries her damsel-in-distress-style, then goes far back before running towards the TARDIS. Jane screams so loud that somehow, somewhere, Meulin heard it. Jake and Roxy move out of the way to give Dirk and Jane some space to fit in through the TARDIS doors. Just before reaching the edge, Dirk throws Jane into the TARDIS, then jumps into it himself. Jake performs a SWEET CATCH! on Jane, who is most definitely petrified. I would be, too. I mean, if I got thrown into a spaceship flying just above a deep ravine, I'd be scared shitless, too.

JAKE: Welcome aboard janey.  
JANE: Put me down, Jake.  


Jake drops Jane. She almost gets mad at him, but then she realizes that she didn't specify whether or not to _set_ her down. "Word choice, Jane. It's important."

Sparing no time for chatter, Jake shuts the TARDIS doors and starts fidgeting with the controls, as giddy as ever. The village isn't too far, so he pilots the TARDIS on his own and lands it safely in front.

JAKE: Just outside those doors is our first ever adventure.  
JAKE: I must warn you right now itll be chaotic dangerous and youll likely die if youre not careful.  
JAKE: But it *will* be fun!  
JAKE: Whos ready?!  
JANE: ...  
ROXY: ...  
DIRK: ...  
JAKE: Well it doesnt matter cause youre all coming with me anyway.  


Yeah, none of the companions really chose to get abducted by The Doctor. They all just crossed paths and basically got trapped in the amazement.

Say, what are Jade and the others up to?


	8. JADE: Get the Rundown From Tinman==>

# JADE: Get the Rundown From Tinman==>

JOHN: aw, dude, look at that!  
ROSE: It's so beautiful.  
DAVE: if i wasnt with karkat id have spaces baby  


Rose, Dave, and John stare out the big window on the side of the ship, admiring the vastness of space and all its beauty while Jade paces around, getting information from Tinman.

JADE: okay, let me get this straight: you were banished to earth as punishment for something you did on your home planet?  
JADE: but all cybermen come from earth except the cybermasters, and you definitely dont look like a cybermaster.  
JADE: in fact, you dont look like *any* cyberman ive seen before.  
JADE: care to explain that?  
TINMAN: MY PLACE OF ORIGIN IS CURRENTLY UNKNOWN TO ME.  
TINMAN: IT IS THE REASON I SOUGHT YOU OUT.  
TINMAN: I HAD REASON TO BELIEVE THAT YOU FOUR HAD THE ANSWER OF MY HOME.  
JADE: but you responded to our names, our *own* names!  
JADE: you werent looking for the doctor and her companions, you were looking for us!  
JADE: how could we know your home?  
TINMAN: YOUR NAMES ECHOED IN MY HEAD THE MOMENT I ARRIVED ON EARTH.  
TINMAN: I DO NOT KNOW HOW LONG I HAVE BEEN HERE.  
TINMAN: THERE IS A POSSIBILITY THAT YOU COULD BE OF ASSISTANCE.  


Jade walks over to her companions and leans against the window, somehow more confused about everything than before. Her conversation with Tinman left her with more questions than answers. Probably because not even _he_ knows the answers.

JOHN: jade?  
JOHN: everything okay?  
ROSE: You appear to be deep in thought.  
JADE: what?  
JADE: oh, yeah, im fine.  
JADE: im just trying to understand this.  
JADE: tinman said he was looking for us.  
DAVE: and he found us  
DAVE: whats there to understand  
JADE: *why* he was looking for us, thats what.  
JADE: what was he doing looking for us?  
JADE: and not us as these characters, us as us!  
JADE: who *is* tinman?  


Tinman flips a switch on the control panel, putting the ship in autopilot. He walks onto the platform in the middle of the room.

TINMAN: I AM AFRAID I MUST LEAVE YOU FOR NOW.  
JOHN: where are you going?  
TINMAN: TO THE LOWER DECKS FOR MAINTENANCE.  
TINMAN: IT HAS BEEN A WHILE SINCE I HAVE USED THIS SHIP.  
TINMAN: THERE COULD BE FAULTS IN THE SOFTWARE.  
DAVE: okay see you later tinman  
DAVE: well try not to cause trouble  
ROSE: (I'll give them two minutes before they accidentally initiate a self-destruct sequence.)  
TINMAN: I SHALL RETURN.  


The platform descends slowly. Jade turns to face her fam as Tinman makes his way to the lower decks. The others stop admiring space to listen to the woman of Space. Get it? It's a pun. They stop admiring space to focus on Space? Because Jade's aspect is Space? No? I'll shut up now.

JADE: is anyone else getting a strange vibe from tinman?  
JADE: none of you find him a bit unsettling?  
JOHN: cybermen are *always* unsettling.  
JOHN: it's in their nature as metallic husks encasing humans with their capacity to feel emotions completely removed.  
DAVE: not to mention were on a spaceship  
DAVE: thats pretty damn amazing  
JADE: >:o  
JADE: what about the tardis?!  
JADE: its a space *and* time ship!  
JADE: a time player like you should love it!  
DAVE: says the space player whos not gushing about space  
JADE: touche, dave. -_-  
ROSE: I'll admit, I have my suspicions, but we shouldn't constantly be waiting for something bad to happen.  
ROSE: I think it's best if we just play along for now, then when the big plot twist inevitably happens, we'll be ready.  
JADE: i suppose you have a point there.  
JADE: but were all in agreement that something about tinman is off, even by cyberman standards, right?  
JOHN: definitely.  
ROSE: Indeed.  
DAVE: hell yeah  
JADE: good.  


Dave takes a look around the main area of the spaceship. It's mainly empty aside from the control panel and the hole where the elevation platform should be. There's been zero effort for hospitality, either. No food or drinks, no chairs, nothing. So disappointing.

DAVE: yo this spaceship is empty as hell!  
DAVE: this place sucks!  
ROSE: Dave, what have I told you about judging other people's lifestyles?  
DAVE: rose how is anyone gonna keep themselves occupied in this ship?  
DAVE: especially considering the fact that we have no service in space  
DAVE: not all of us can pass time by reading lalonde  
DAVE: some of us have needs  
JOHN: dave, are you suffering from biznasty beats withdrawal?  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: maybe...  


Tinman returns from the maintenance check, having found nothing wrong with the ship after so many years. Wow, that last half of the sentence can be applied to so many ships in basically any fandom. Yikes. Jade approaches Tinman, ready to get back into interrogation mode, but Rose speaks up before Jade can pry any further. 

ROSE: So Tinman, where are we going?  
TINMAN: TO A PLANET WHERE EVERYONE LIVES IN PEACE, BUT ENDURES THROUGH WAR.  
TINMAN: A PLANET TORMENTED BY COUNTLESS INVADERS.  
TINMAN: THE ONLY ONE OF ITS KIND.  
TINMAN: THE INVINCIBLE PLANET, OZENIX.  
ROSE: Ozenix?  
ROSE: That planet doesn't sound familiar.  
ROSE: Can you tell us more about it?  
TINMAN: OF COURSE.  
TINMAN: THE MOST NOTABLE FEATURE ABOUT OZENIX IS ITS BLEAK, DESERTED APPEARANCE.  
TINMAN: MANY BELIEVE THAT IT IS ALIVE, AND GRADUALLY CHANGED ITS APPEARANCE TO DRIVE INVADERS AWAY.  
TINMAN: OTHERS BELIEVE THAT IT USED TO BE A BEAUTIFUL AND COLORFUL PLANET ONCE, BUT MILLIONS OF YEARS OF WAR HAVE REDUCED IT TO ITS CURRENT STATE.  
TINMAN: OZENIX IS COMPLETELY BARREN, SAVE FOR A SMALL VILLAGE JUST BEYOND A DEADLY RAVINE.  
TINMAN: VERY FEW EXPLORERS HAVE BEEN FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO FIND IT.  


Suddenly, Jade realizes something.

JADE: wait, wheres the tardis?  
JADE: did you bring it onboard along with us, tinman?  
TINMAN: YOUR SHIP IS SECURE IN THE LOADING DECK OF THE SHIP.  
TINMAN: I WILL BE BRINGING IT WITH US WHEN WE ARRIVE ON OZENIX.  
JADE: but you just said that very few explorers were able to find it.  
TINMAN: I AM ONE OF THE FEW.  


"Jade, didn't Rose just say to play along and just expect a big plot twist? Did she not just say that? What if Tinman's a great guy? Don't let the fact that he's a Cyberman cloud your vision."

Anyway, Tinman actually _was_ fortunate enough to find Ozenix many years ago while drifting through space. He made sure to remember the coordinates, as there was a possibility that there was something there to help him discover his origin. John looks out the window and notices a big, ash gray planet. Ozenix.

JOHN: guys, i think we're here.  
JOHN: this must be ozenix.  
DAVE: yeah this does not look like a place id ever want to explore  
ROSE: And I've seen my fair share of worlds completely decimated by war.  
JADE: then this is it.  
TINMAN: YES.  
TINMAN: WE HAVE ARRIVED.  
TINMAN: WELCOME TO OZENIX.  



	9. JAKE: Get the Rundown From J'cleia==>

# JAKE: Get the Rundown From J'cleia==>

A few minutes have passed since Jake and the others arrived in the village, and it's safe to say that they're loving their time there so far. Jane enjoyed the many alien delicacies the village had to offer, no matter how odd they initially seemed to her. Dirk just walked around the place, trying to introduce the villagers to anime. It didn't always end well. One elderly woman chased him around, bonking him on the head with a broom. Ouch. Roxy went shopping for some of the village's best fashion. Unfortunately, she couldn't find anything. But Roxy's innovative, so she took the dull clothes she found and turned them into something, as she would say, "totes fabu and shit." And as for Jake? Well, he was still completely amazed at the fact that he's living in an episode of his all-time favorite show. Now he's chatting up a storm with J'cleia. It's all fun for the Alphas. Until a giant alien spaceship starts looming over the village, casting a menacing shadow and covering it in darkness.

JAKE: Jeezum creezum.  
JAKE: What on earth is that?  
JAKE: Is that even *of* earth?  
JAKE: No no no thats a spaceship!  
JAKE: HAHAHA!  
JAKE: Doesn't look like anything of this planet though.  
JAKE: Maybe its an ivasion?  
JAKE: What if this is what j'cleia was warning us about?  
JAKE: Crikey i better get the others!  


Jake rushes to the center of the village and waits for his companions to meet him there.

JAKE: Whats with that spaceship up there?  
JAKE: And why is it hovering above this village?  
JAKE: This is most peculiar.  


Jake takes out his Sonic Screwdriver and scans the spaceship for any life forms. The device picks up five: four organic, and one cybernetic. He raises an eyebrow, wondering why only five people are onboard such a big spacecraft. He tucks the Screwdriver away in his coat pocket and looks around for his companions. Still nowhere in sight.

JAKE: Maybe i shouldve told them not to wander off.  
JAKE: Thats what the doctor always does.  
JAKE: But wandering off equals adventure and i refuse to deny anyone that freedom.  
JAKE: Oh i just got a stellar idea!  
JAKE: J'cleia be a dear and find the others for me please?  


J'cleia makes a cheerful chirping sound as she scurries about the village looking for Dirk, Jane, and Roxy. Fortunately, it doesn't take her long to find them. "Good J'cleia. I'd give you a head rub if I had a corporeal form. Well, I guess I could always make Jake do it."

Jake gives J'cleia a head rub as a representative of his appreciation for her efforts.

JAKE: Good j'cleia!  
ROXY: ok so, wth is that giant ufo doin above this little village?  
JANE: Whatever it is, it sure doesn't look friendly.  
DIRK: Alright, English, tell me: is this an alien invasion?  
JAKE: Unlikely.  
JAKE: I scanned the ship and theres only five life forms onboard.  
JAKE: Far too few people for an invasion.  
JAKE: Id say its more like a visitation of to-be-determined hostility.  
JANE: "To-be-determined hostility?"  
JAKE: I try not to make assumptions.  
JAKE: Never ends well.  


And so, it begins. Four beacons of light shoot out from the bottom of the spaceship, just a few yards away. The light is too bright for them or any of the villagers to look at directly. And yes, Dirk, with his anime shades, is included. The light is just that blinding. Everyone turns away from the light until it dims down. Before anyone can utter a word, a voice booms from the spaceship. One unfamiliar to the Alphas, but very familiar to us.

TINMAN: _THE FOUR OF YOU ARE TO REMAIN HERE WHILE I RECRUIT THE OTHERS._  
TINMAN: _THERE IS A GREAT TASK AHEAD._  
TINMAN: _MY SCANNERS DETECT THAT THERE ARE ALREADY FOUR SOMEWHERE IN THIS VILLAGE._  
TINMAN: _I SUGGEST YOU SEARCH FOR THEM._  
TINMAN: _I SHALL RETURN._  


Jake notices something about the voice as soon as the message ends.

JAKE: Thats a cyberman.  
JAKE: Thats the voice of a cyberman.  
JAKE: Whats a cyberman doing *here?*  
DIRK: More importantly, why is the TARDIS over there and not where we left it?  


Dirk points at the TARDIS slowly descending from the ship.

JANE: That can't be our TARDIS, can it?  
JANE: And if so, how did it get all the way over there?  
JANE: You didn't have autopilot on, did you, Jake? -_-  
JAKE: Theres a chance that i might have but im certain that i didnt.  
ROXY: then i guess there's only one thing to do.  
ROXY: we're gonna investigate!  
ROXY: c'mon follow me!  


The ship takes off as Roxy dashes in the direction of the mysterious TARDIS, followed by Jane, Dirk, and Jake. J'cleia stays behind, having served her purpose. What purpose, you may ask? All will be revealed in time. But for now, just watch. The gang soon gets a close look at the TARDIS, and after a moment of observation, they deduce that the TARDIS in front of them is definitely not their TARDIS. But now the question is: who does this TARDIS belong to?

JANE: Okay, this isn't our TARDIS.  
JANE: Good.  
JANE: But I still think you should check if you left ours on autopilot, just to be safe.  
JAKE: Will do.  
JAKE: So now we know that the cybernetic life form was a cyberman but who are the other four?  
DIRK: Well, we aren't gonna find out just standing here.  
DIRK: We should start looking around.  
ROXY: uh guys?  
ROXY: i dont think we'll have to look too far.  


The TARDIS doors are wide open, revealing four familiar faces in the Console Room. Get ready, cause this is gonna be good.

JADE: no way! :D  
JAKE: Oh my days!  
ROSE: What a pleasant surprise!  
ROXY: aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!  
JOHN: how'd you all get here?  
JANE: I don't fully understand it myself, to be honest, but it's great to see you again!  
DAVE: hey  
DIRK: Sup?  


Oh, yeah. It's all coming together. Alphas and Betas reunited once again. And with that, the storylines now converge into one. But what's Tinman getting up to? What does he mean by "recruit the others?" Well, I'm glad you asked! The short answer is that the story will now shift between him and the humans. The long answer is basically just the short answer, but with a bunch of extra details. Tinman is gonna go on to recruit the rest of the Doctors for a big journey through time and space. I hope you're excited, because things are just getting started.


	10. TINMAN: Make Contact with the Spider==>

# TINMAN: Make Contact with the Spider==>

And now we shift our focus to Mr. Metal Man himself. His prime objective: recruit the other Doctors to help him achieve his goal. He pilots the empty spaceship alone through the vast reaches of space, hoping to come across any Doctors available to join. Since dropping off the Betas on Ozenix, Tinman's been traveling for ten minutes with no luck. He begins to doubt if there even _are_ any other Doctors in this reality able to help him. Suddenly, he receives an incoming transmission from an unknown, but nearby source.

VRISKA: Yoooooooo!  
VRISKA: Is any8ody out there?  
VRISKA: I've 8een on this crummy planet for hours, w8ing for something, _anything_ to happen, 8ut no dice!  
VRISKA: 8oth in the figurative sense and the literal sense, as I don't have my lucky dice with me.  
VRISKA: Hello?!  
VRISKA: Is this thing on or what?!  


"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Vriska, Vriska, Vriska. Can you please, for the love of Troll God, stop being so fucking aggressive? Way to make a good first impression, Serket. Tinman's totally gonna love you now. That was sarcasm, in case you can't tell."

TINMAN: I AM HERE.  
TINMAN: ARE YOU ONE OF THEM?  
VRISKA: "One of them?"  
VRISKA: What the hell are you talking a8out?  
VRISKA: And what's with the voice?  
VRISKA: Are you using a voice modifier or something?  
VRISKA: You sound like a ro8ot.  
TINMAN: I AM A CYBERMAN.  
TINMAN: WHERE ARE YOUR COORDINATES AND WHAT IS YOUR NAME?  
VRISKA: Cy8erman?  
VRISKA: Okay, I'm officially convinced that I 8onked my head somewhere, 8ecause this is ridiculous.  
VRISKA: Anyway, my name is Vriska Serket, and I'm a Grade-A 8adass!  
VRISKA: As for my coordin8s, I'll have to head 8ack to my ship.  
VRISKA: W8 for me, I'll 8e 8ack in a 8it!  


Tinman waits for Vriska to enter her TARDIS. Unfortunately, she didn't turn off her communication device, so all he hears for the next few minutes is Vriska's breathing, dirt crunching beneath her feet with every step, and the occasional grunt of effort. If Tinman was able to move his face, it'd look like this: -_-. Eventually, he hears the sound of the TARDIS doors creaking open, followed by Vriska's grating voice.

VRISKA: Okay, I'm 8ack!  
VRISKA: Now, just gotta check my coordin8s...  
VRISKA: Ah-ha!  
VRISKA: Got it!  
VRISKA: Whaddya want me to do with these?  
TINMAN: SEND THEM TO ME.  
TINMAN: USE YOUR SHIP TO FIND MY SIGNAL AND SEND YOUR COORDINATES TO ME.  
TINMAN: I WILL BE AT YOUR LOCATION SHORTLY AFTER.  
VRISKA: Find your signal?  
VRISKA: How the hell am I supposed to do that?!  
VRISKA: I dunno how to work this damn ship!  
VRISKA: Joke didn't explain jack squat a8out the controls!  
VRISKA: Unless he did, and I just tuned it out 8ecause it was 8oring.  
VRISKA: Yeah, that sounds like something I'd do.  
VRISKA: Look, point is, I can't find ya.  
VRISKA: Them's the 8r8ks, 8uddy.  
TINMAN: WORRY NOT, SPIDER.  
TINMAN: I HAVE FOUND YOU BY TRACING YOUR SIGNAL INSTEAD.  
TINMAN: GOOD THING ONE OF US KNOWS HOW TO USE OUR SHIP.  
VRISKA: Oh, ro8o8oy's got jokes, eh?  
VRISKA: Can't w8 to meet you so I can give you a piece of my mind. >::::)  
TINMAN: I CAN DELETE YOU WITH MINIMAL EFFORT.  


Vriska doesn't admit it, but that sentence, coming from a Cyberman that she's never met prior to this encounter, sends chills down her spine. Tinman ain't lying, either. He may be a passive Cyberman, but he's still a Cyberman. You don't wanna piss him off.

VRISKA: Well then, I should expect to see you in a few seconds, yeah?  
TINMAN: CORRECT.  
VRISKA: Gr8!  
VRISKA: Looking forward to seeing what a Cy8erman looks like!  
TINMAN: BEFORE YOU GO, HAVE YOU MADE ANY CONTACT WITH THE BULL?  
VRISKA: The 8ull?  
VRISKA: You mean Tavros?  
VRISKA: Haaaaaaaa!  
VRISKA: Aside from that weird group video chat, no.  
VRISKA: Not like I'd ever talk to that useless husk.  


Vriska proceeds to go one an incredibly lengthy tangent about her and Tavros. It's very annoying, even for Tinman. He wishes he could turn off his audio receptors. It's almost as annoying as one of Kankri's rambles. _Almost._ Speaking of Kankri, the Alpha Trolls didn't get sucked into the _Doctor Who_ world on account of them being, y'know, dead. So you all dodged a bullet there with no Kankri or Cronus.

TINMAN: I SUGGEST YOU CONTACT HIM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.  
TINMAN: HE IS JUST AS IMPORTANT TO THIS MISSION AS EVERYONE ELSE.  
VRISKA: 8arf.  
VRISKA: I won't tell him you said that, 8y the way.  
VRISKA: That 8oy doesn't need his confidence 8oosted any further.  
VRISKA: Or at all, for that matter.  
TINMAN: THEN I SHALL RELAY THE MESSAGE TO HIM MYSELF.  
VRISKA: Uuuuuuuugh!  
VRISKA: Whatever!  
VRISKA: Just get over here already!  


The transmission ends, and Tinman shifts his ship into warp speed and heads to Vriska's location in a snap. Warp speed. Always so handy! It's time to recruit The Spider! Also, who else thinks it's weird how Vriska's sign is Scorpio, but her whole motif is spiders? Just me? Okay. Back to the humans on Ozenix.


	11. HUMANS: Catch Up==>

# HUMANS: Catch Up==>

Well, here we are on Ozenix. The eight humans, all in one spot after being separated for hours. You'd think they'd be getting caught up with what they've seen so far after getting sucked into the world of _Doctor Who,_ but that doesn't seem to be the case.

JADE: how cool is this?!  
JADE: were in the show!!  
JADE: are you as excited as i am?! XD  
JAKE: Am i!  
JAKE: This is absolutely incredible!  
JAKE: I daresay this is a dream come true!  
JAKE: I look rather dashing as eleven dont i?  
JADE: you do look quite handsome in that suit and bow tie.  
JADE: very distinguished ;)  
JADE: and what about me?  
JAKE: Best thirteen ive ever seen!  
JAKE: Apart from thirteen herself of course.  
JAKE: And your companions my word!  
JAKE: Ole johnny as graham!  
JAKE: Wonderful!  
JOHN: depends on who you ask.  
JAKE: And rose taking on the role of yaz!  
JAKE: Suits her well doesnt it?  
ROSE: To some degree, I suppose.  
JAKE: And dave as none other than ryan.  
JAKE: Erm-  
JAKE: Well they cant all be winners.  
DAVE: wait what does that mean?  
JADE: dont worry about it dave.  
JADE: alphas you look great in your roles as well!  
JADE: although i never wouldve guessed jane as amy.  
JANE: Well, I've definitely got the attitude, but the clothes are a bit tight on me.  
JADE: nor dirk as rory, for that matter.  
DIRK: I'm not that big on it, either.  
JADE: but roxy as river?  
JADE: perfect!!!!  
ROXY: shucks, i wouldn't say "perfect," but it kinda works.  


What? They're nerding out. I'm pretty sure you'd do the same if you were sucked into the world of your favorite media. They'll get back on track in a bit.

JADE: okay, okay, okay, we need to get back on track.  


See?

JADE: after our call, what did you do?  
JAKE: Well its all kind of a blur but hopefully i can remember it all.  
JAKE: After the call janey dirk and rox decided to step outside to explore the planet.  
JAKE: Eventually they came a cross a small alien they couldnt understand so jane and roxy returned while dirk stayed behind with the alien.  
JAKE: After one of my trademark ramblings we all went back to dirk and the alien where we found out her name is j'cleia.  
JAKE: She alerted us to danger in the nearby village so we went to check it out.  
JAKE: However there was a ravine in the way.  
JAKE: We managed to get across through quite dangerous yet exhilarating means.  
JAKE: Turns out there *was* no trouble which was a mistranslation on my part.  
JAKE: We then took the time to just explore the village.  
JAKE: Then a giant spaceship appeared right above the village.  
JAKE: Which basically brings us to here.  
JAKE: And what about you four?  


Yeah, I know. Recapping. Lazy storytelling. Work with me, here! I don't want you all to miss any important details.

JADE: well, first thing we did was explore the surrounding area, like you did.  
JADE: then we looked around for anything, or anyone, suspicious.  
JADE: which is when we found tinman.  
JADE: we introduced ourselves, and he seemed to recognize us almost immediately!  
JADE: he said he was looking for us and that he needed our help, so we boarded his ship and joined him.  
JADE: while on the ship, he told us about this planet, ozenix, which has been subject to many battles and looting.  
JADE: the very same planet you were already on.  
JADE: then we arrived on ozenix, which is how we eventually got to this point.  


Okay. Now onto the actually important part of the story.

JAKE: Wait wait wait.  
JAKE: Tinman?  
DAVE: name courtesy of the dave strider  
DAVE: youre welcome  
JAKE: Thank you dave but tinman?  
JAKE: Youre referring to the cyberman?  
JADE: yes, the cyberman!  
JADE: i couldnt believe it, either! :o  
DIRK: I don't remember much about the show, but I definitely remember that Cybermen are bad news.  
DIRK: So why is a Cyberman coming to us for help?  
DIRK: Shouldn't he recognize us as an enemy?  
ROSE: But that's the thing: he didn't recognize us as The Doctor and her companions.  
JOHN: yeah, he recognized us as, well, us!  
JAKE: Crikey thats a shock.  
JAKE: And based on what i remember from his announcement heard across the village he recognizes *us* as chums as well.  
JANE: Yeah, he said something about "recruiting the others" and said that there are four in the village.  
JANE: I assume that the four are us.  
ROXY: that makes sense.  
ROXY: and anyone with half a brain cell can guess that the others are the other twelve doctors out there.  
JADE: definitely.  
JADE: but it looks like well have to wait here until he comes back for us.  
JAKE: It seems so.  
DAVE: any ideas on what we can do to pass the time until then?  
ROSE: What do you mean by that?  
DAVE: well we can come to the conclusion that the other twelve doctors are likely spread out all though space  
DAVE: hell some might even be in different time periods altogether  
DAVE: so itll take a while for tinman to return  
JOHN: well, how about we travel some more?  
JOHN: i mean, this village doesn't have much to offer.  
ROXY: maybe we can switch it up a bit!  
ROXY: janey, wanna travel with jade and rose?  
JANE: What the hell?  
JANE: Why not?  
JANE: I could use a break from Jake's adventurous, thrill-seeking antics for a while. :p  
DIRK: Sweet!  
DIRK: Quality time with my bro!  
DAVE: yeah boy!  
JAKE: Capital idea johnny!  
JAKE: Why the four of us chaps on a grand adventure!  
JAKE: Reminds me of this one anime i watched!  
JAKE: Oh um well-  
JAKE: I cant remember the name.  
JAKE: Cripes what is it?  
JAKE: Its on the tip of my tongue.  
JAKE: Oh dash it all!  
JAKE: Follow me men!  


Jake rushes off to find the TARDIS that the Alphas arrived to the village in. Dave, Dirk, and John follow not far behind him. The girls share a laugh of enjoyment at the spectacle.

ROXY: aww that's my jakey!  
ROSE: He's really enjoying himself, isn't he?  
ROXY: well, can ya blame him?  
ROXY: this show's one of his faves, and he's literally livin in it!  
ROXY: i'm p sure janey'd be excited if she were sucked into one of her detective movies.  
JANE: You don't know that, Roxy!  
JANE: Besides, the two don't compare.  
JANE: One is a sophisticated and mysterious tale for intelligent people, and the other is a clusterchunk of aliens, time travel, sci-fi, and other wacky tropes.  
JANE: However, I understand why Jake is so excited about it.  
JANE: (Plus, I think it's kinda charming, in a seeing-my-ectosibling-happy sort of way.)  
JADE: what was that, jane?  
JANE: I didn't say anything!  
JADE: hahahahahaha!  
JADE: cmon, my tardis isnt far from here!  


Jade and the other ladies enter the only TARDIS left on the planet, as the Grand Adventurers have long since left Ozenix. And with that, the one group of eight becomes two groups of four yet again. Which also means we should check up on Tinman. But before we do that, does anyone else get some funky vibes from him? I dunno, I don't think we should trust him. Something about him is suspicious. Very suspicious. So, did Vriska give him the business? Let's find out!


	12. TINMAN: Kill Two Birds With One Stone==>

# TINMAN: Kill Two Birds With One Stone==>

Tinman inputs the coordinates that Vriska gave him into his digital map display on the control panel. It doesn't take long for the map to find the location of Vriska's TARDIS. It rests on a distant planet, far away from Earth. He sets a course for the planet, going at light speed. It's only a matter of time until he can officially recruit her for the mission.

Meanwhile, on the aforementioned planet, Vriska is being chased by a tank-like vehicle, unknown to her. It's shooting at her with deadly lasers, repeating one single word over and over. No, I'm not gonna say what the word is. You'll just have to use context clues for now. Anyway, point is, shit's wild for her right now. And I bet she's not handling things well.

VRISKA: H8Y!  
VRISKA: WH8T'S YO8R 8EEF?!  
VRISKA: WHAT D8 YOU W8NT WITH ME, Y8U LITTLE TR8SH CAN LOOK8NG CREEP?!  
????: YOU ARE AN ENEMY!  
????: YOU MUST BE DESTROYED!  
VRISKA: OH, GIVE ME A BR8K!!!  


Yikes. Vris is in quite the predicament. Whatever that thing is, it's out for blood. Fortunately for her, she sees her TARDIS in the distance. A grin forms on her face at the sight of it. It seems her luck is returning. She sprints towards the ship and kicks the doors open. She cackles mockingly as she slams the doors, assuring her safety, at least for now.

VRISKA: Oh, jeepers...  
VRISKA: I need to... catch my 8reath...  
VRISKA: When is that 8lasted Cy8erman gonna get here?  
VRISKA: I could really use the help right a8out now!  


The lasers continue to shoot just outside the TARDIS. The attacker can't get in, but both it and Vriska know that, sooner or later, she'll have to exit the ship.

Just then, the firing comes to a stop. Did its blaster run out of energy? Has it given up already? Or did the Cyberman arrive? Whatever the reason, Vriska makes the bold choice to look outside. She swings open the TARDIS doors, closing her eyes to drag out the reveal. She slowly opens her eyes, one by one. To her surprise, the tank-like vehicle is still there, but has ceased fire.

VRISKA: Um... what the hell?  
VRISKA: You're not firing at me anymore?  
VRISKA: Did you finally realize that I mean no harm?  
????: INCORRECT.  
????: I WAS ORDERED BY MY MAKER TO STAND DOWN.  
????: HE HAS DEEMED YOU A THREAT, BUT NOT TO HIM OR ME.  
VRISKA: Maker?  
VRISKA: What maker?  


The vehicle moves aside to reveal a certain someone in a mobility scooter looking thing with a similar design to the vehicle. This should be quite an interesting reunion.

VRISKA: T8VROS?! >::::O  
TAVROS: hI,,, }:D  


Yup. It's Tavros. Okay, okay. Let me explain. If you haven't figure it out by now, Vriska was being chased by a Dalek. Y'know, those deadly tanks with a gun and a sucker that has a gross, squid-looking, pink mass driving it? Yeah, that. And as we all know, or _should_ know, the maker of the Daleks is Davros. See where I'm going with this? Davros sounds like Tavros, so the Dalek got them confused, presumably a glitch in its program. And as for Davros's chair? Well, I honestly don't know. One could assume that Tavros had a hard time trying to get his legs to function after not having any for such a long time, so when he came across that Dalek and told it his name, the Dalek thought he was its maker out of his chair, so it went to fetch it for him. Now that I think about it, that's most likely what happened. Anyway, let's get back to the duo.

Tavros nods at the Dalek, signaling it to head back. The Dalek does as instructed, leaving Vriska and Tavros do do some well-deserved catching up.

VRISKA: Tavros, what the hell are you doing here?  
TAVROS: hONESTLY, i DON'T KNOW,,,  
TAVROS: aFTER OUR CALL, eVERYTHING IS A BLUR,,,  
VRISKA: Any reason why you're in that ridiculous mo8ility scooter?  
TAVROS: wELL, i STILL HAVEN'T FULLY ADJUSTED TO MY LEGS YET,,,  
TAVROS: sO IT LOOKS LIKE I'M IN THIS UNTIL I HAVE,,,  
VRISKA: And a8out that... thing.  
VRISKA: Did you get it to stop shooting at me?  
TAVROS: sURE DID,,, }:D  
VRISKA: How?!  


Tavros proceeds to tell Vriska what I've already told you. Y'know, about the Daleks and the Tavros/Davros confusion? Yeah, that.

VRISKA: You have got to 8e kidding me.  
VRISKA: So you mean to tell me that that 8ucket o' 8olts thinks you're its maker?  
TAVROS: i KNOW, i COULDN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER!!!  
TAVROS: bUT ONLY THE ONE DALEK,,,  
TAVROS: iF ANY OF THE OTHERS SEE ME IN DAVROS'S CHAIR, i'M DEAD MEAT,,,  
VRISKA: Gr8!  
VRISKA: As if th8ngs couldn't g8t any 8etter!  
VRISKA: Next, y8u're gonn8 tell me that th8s TARDIS isn't mine!  
TAVROS: uH, fUNNY YOU SHOULD MENTION THAT,,,  
VRISKA: 8H, FOR PETE'S S8KE!!!  


Vriska was running towards Tavros's TARDIS the whole time during the chase. In her defense, her TARDIS and his TARDIS look exactly the same. Vriska's TARDIS is actually about two miles away from it. Well, looks like her luck is still out, at least in her case.

VRISKA: Ugh, I c8n't w8 for this Cy8erm8n to get here.  
TAVROS: uH, wELL, i THINK THAT SPACESHIP LOOMING OVER US INDICATES SOMETHING,,,  


Tavros points at the giant ship slowly approaching the duo, and sure enough, it's Tinman's spaceship. Vriska's face lights up at the sight of it, knowing that she'll finally be off of that death trap of a planet.

TINMAN: _AH, SPIDER, I SEE YOU'VE UNITED WITH THE BULL AFTER ALL._  
VRISKA: Okay, listen, pal, if we're gonna 8e allies or whatever, you need to start calling me 8y name, got it?  
VRISKA: It's Vriska, remem8er?  
VRISKA: Vris-ka!  
TAVROS: aND MY NAME'S TAVROS,,,  
TAVROS: nOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH DAVROS, hEH, aGAIN,,,  
TINMAN: _I AM AFRAID THERE IS NOT ENOUGH TIME TO MAKE PROPER ACQUAINTANCES WITH YOU, TAVROS._  
VRISKA: (Oh, so you use _his_ name!>::::/)  
TINMAN: _WE MUST MAKE HASTE TOWARDS OUR NEXT MEMBER, THE SEAHORSE._  
TAVROS: tHE SEAHORSE???  
TAVROS: yOU MEAN ERIDAN???  
TINMAN: _PRECISELY._  
VRISKA: Oh, gr8!  
VRISKA: Finally, someone I can toler8!  
VRISKA: Also, 8efore you pick us up, you need to gra8 my TARDIS.  
VRISKA: It looks exactly like this one, so you shouldn't 8e a8le to miss it.  
TAVROS: oH, i SURE HOPE THAT DALEK DOESN'T NOTICE I'M GONE,,,  
VRISKA: I wish we didn't have to 8ring that useless waste of space with us.  
TINMAN: _WE MUST._  
TINMAN: _HE IS JUST AS IMPORTAN TO OUR MISSION AS EVERYONE ELSE._  


And that's the million dollar phrase!

VRISKA: Dammit!  
VRISKA: Why'd you have to say that?  
TAVROS: hEAR THAT, vRISKA???  
TAVROS: i'M IMPORTANT,,,  
TAVROS: hOW YOU LIKE THEM APPLES???  
VRISKA: I don't.  
VRISKA: Okay, Cy8erpal, welcome us a8oard.  


A tractor beam shines on Vriska, Tavros, and the TARDIS. And of course, the other TARDIS two miles away. The duo are transported onboard Tinman's spaceship. And don't worry about that Dalek. It's none the wiser. No alarm was raised, and everything was business as usual on the planet.

Say, what are the ladies up to?


	13. JADE: Chat With The Gals==>

# JADE: Chat With The Gals==>

And we are back inside Jade's TARDIS. Jade pilots the ship while Rose gives Jane and Roxy a brief tour of the console room. She shows them the secret compartments, the round things, the holodecks, and the Custard Creme dispenser. It doesn't take long for the dispenser to go out of order. Jane and Roxy ate them all up. I don't blame them. Those things look tasty.

JADE: aw, come on!  
JADE: did you eat all the custard cremes?  
JADE: i was gonna get some. :(  
ROXY: heheheh sorry jade  
ROXY: once you have one, its pretty hard to leave em alone.  
JANE: How they manage to taste sweeter than anything I've ever made is far beyond my comprehension!  
ROSE: Well, at least we know to stock up on extras if we ever get a chance to buy some more.  
ROSE: (The Doctor is not gonna be pleased, though, knowing we ate up her entire supply.)  


"Oh, she most certainly will not be, Rose. She most certainly will not be."

JADE: anyway, we should be arriving at our destination soon.  
JADE: whatever it is.  
JANE: You don't know where we're going?  
JADE: not a clue.  
JADE: i didnt put in any coordinates and the ship took off on its own once the doors closed.  
JADE: she does that sometimes.  
ROXY: "she?"  
ROXY: dont tell me the doctor's one of those folks that calls their vehicle a "she."  
JADE: not at all!  
JADE: the doctor only started referring to the tardis as "she" after the events of "the doctors wife."  
ROXY: river suggested it?  
JADE: hahaha, no. XD  
JADE: the title refers to the tardis.  
JADE: she and the doctor had been travelling together for so long, they might as well be married.  
JANE: What happened during the episode, again?  
JADE: i'll try to keep the recap as short as possible.  


Jade fails to keep the recap as short as possible. Like, she fails miserably. The recap takes so long that it gave the ship enough time to land and just sit there at its location for thirty minutes. Fortunately, having missed some of the plot of the episode, Jane and Roxy didn't mind the extremely tedious explanation. Like grandpa, like granddaughter, I guess.

JANE: Okay, I think I get it.  
JANE: Whenever The Doctor says, "she" in reference to the TARDIS, they're referring to the "personality" they gave it?  
JADE: exactly! :D  
JADE: and i'm sorry that was a lot longer than expected.  
ROXY: no worries harley!  
ROSE: Now that you two have been enlightened, we've been on this planet for almost forty-five minutes.  


Rose stands by the TARDIS doors, having been waiting there for who knows how long. Seriously, _I_ don't even know. She was there when I arrived. The other three shipgoers look at her with confusion. Rose smiles and points at the screen on the console right above Jade's head. The words "DESTINATION REACHED" display in big, green letters on the screen. Yup. The ship's been there for quite a while.

ROSE: I didn't want to interrupt, so I just waited until you were done.  
JADE: forty-five minutes?  
JADE: i was talking for forty-five minutes?  
JADE: i really need to learn how to be more brief.  
ROXY: then lets get a move on!  
ROXY: scooch over, rosey!  
ROXY: roxy's comin through!  
JADE: wait, don't!  
JADE: i did a bit of research on where we are.  
JADE: you might need to bundle up before heading out there.  
JADE: the low temperature is ridiculous!  
JANE: Fiddlesticks.  


She actually said that, by the way.

JANE: None of us brought clothes for colder temperatures.  
ROSE: Well, I know the TARDIS has a wardrobe.  
ROSE: There's bound to be some coats and such there.  
ROXY: mind tellin us where the wardrobe is, jade?  
JADE: oh, that won't be necessary!  


Jade turns a few knobs, flips a couple switches, and presses one big, red button on the console. Roxy, Rose, and Jane become covered in winter clothing. It's pretty stylish, actually.

ROSE: That was very convenient, Jade.  
ROXY: ooh-wee!  
ROXY: don't i look great or what?  
JANE: Hey, Jade, aren't you gonna bundle up?  
JADE: no need!  
JADE: if the doctor can survive cold temperatures with just this outfit, then so can i!  
ROSE: But The Doctor's an alien.  
ROSE: You're human, which means you won't survive temperatures that cold.  
ROSE: At least get another coat.  
JADE: rose, please.  
JADE: stop being a mom friend.  
JADE: besides, my sburban land was way snowier than this.  
JADE: whatever's out there will likely be a cake walk compared to that.  


Rose raises an eyebrow. Mom friend? She's not a mom friend. Except she is. Both in the literal and figurative sense, as she mothers everyone around and is literally a mom. Roxy's a mom friend, too, but more like the cool mom that everyone likes to be around and buys sweets for everyone. "Sorry, Rose, that's just how it is."

JADE: so what are we waiting for?  
JADE: let's go!  
ROXY: woot-woot!  


After waiting for so long, Rose opens the door, only for the gang to be hit with a sudden surge of frigid winds coming from the blizzard outside. It quite literally sent chills down their spines.

ROXY: holy toledo!  
ROXY: old girl couldn't tell us there was a blizzard out there?  
JADE: just hurry outside!  
JADE: we should be able to adjust to it quickly!  


The gang does as instructed and rush out of the TARDIS, one by one, with Jade quickly closing the door behind them. Once setting foot on the unknown planet, Jade notices that the ground is covered in a thick layer of snow, almost 5 inches deep. Traversal will be exceptionally difficult, especially considering that the blizzard makes it hard to see.

JADE: whatever planet we're on, it must be miles and miles away from its sun.  
JADE: stay on your guard and don't wander off.  
ROSE: We're on an unknown planet.  
JADE: yeah.  
ROXY: thats miles away from its sun and experiencing a freak blizzard.  
JADE: yeah.  
JANE: And we have no way of telling if the creatures living here, if there are any at all, are hostile or passive.  
JADE: yeah.  
JADE: we have officially entered completely unknown territory.  
JADE: let's go.  


The four travelers venture into the- No, not unknown. I am _not_ risking making an unintentional _Frozen_ reference. They venture into the unexplored with caution, being wary of whatever threats may approach. Having only been on this journey for about seven hours, they seem to have gotten the gist really quickly. I have no doubt that the fellas are faring just as well.

But before we check on them, I think we should see what Tinman, Vriska, and Tavros are up to right now. Will they be able to recruit Eridan without any animosity? Knowing fish boy, probably not, but I guess we'll have to see.


	14. TINMAN: Begin Planning==>

# TINMAN: Begin Planning==>

Tinman's spaceship rests on the surface of a large, planet-wide body of water. Tinman, Vriska, and Tavros sit around a medium-sized table right in the center of the control room to discuss the plan for recruiting Eridan.

TINMAN: IT APPEARS THAT THE ONE YOU CALL "ERIDAN" IS ON THIS PLANET.  
TINMAN: DUE TO MY SEMI-CYBERNETIC MAKEUP, I WILL BE UNABLE TO ASSIST YOU ON YOUR RECRUITMENT.  
TINMAN: I TRUST YOU TO BE ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR AS YOU SEARCH FOR HIM.  
TINMAN: I WILL REMAIN ON THE SHIP AND GIVE YOU INSTRUCTIONS.  
VRISKA: 8lah, 8lah, 8lah, whatever.  
VRISKA: We do all the heavy lifting while you w8 here and lounge around.  
VRISKA: Gr8, just gr8.  
TAVROS: cOME ON, vRISKA,,,  
TAVROS: dON'T BE LIKE THAT,,,  
TAVROS: i'M SURE THAT IF HE HAD A CHOICE, tINMAN WOULD GLADLY COME ALONG WITH US,,,  
TINMAN: AFFIRMATIVE.  
TINMAN: HOWEVER, ERIDAN'S PRESENCE HERE SEEMS QUITE FITTING.  
TINMAN: BUT WHAT COULD HE BE DOING HERE?  


Tavros slowly gets up from his chair and paces around the room using the cane found in Vriska's TARDIS. In an act of shocking generosity towards Tavvy, Vriska decided to let him use the cane meant for her, with her being The First Doctor and all. She doesn't want to admit it to him, but she felt really good about making him happy. Of course, she still thinks he's weak and a waste of space, but with the new feeling of guilt she feels every time she says that combined with Tinman's scolding, she's starting to warm up to him.

Tavros strokes his chin, thinking about what Eridan could be doing on the planet that may or may not have been flooded. Then it hits him like a super effective move.

TAVROS: tHAT'S IT!!!  
TAVROS: hE'S PROBABLY THE PRINCE OF SOME AQUATIC CIVILIZATION!!!  
VRISKA: Huh, that... actually makes sense.  
VRISKA: Looks like that's what we're gonna do!  
VRISKA: Gr8 thinking, Tav-  
VRISKA: Dammit!  
TAVROS: }:D  


"C'mon, Vris. Just admit it. You think Tavros is useful and you regret all the bad things you said about him. Just say it, Vriska. And don't try to snap at me like you did with that other loser who was narrating that other story. I ain't no pushover. What I say goes. Watch."

Vriska pinches herself.

VRISKA: Ow!  
VRISKA: Son of a-  


I love doing that.

TAVROS: vRISKA, aRE YOU OKAY???  
VRISKA: Yeah, I just pinched myself for some reason.  
VRISKA: Hurt like hell.  
VRISKA: Anyway, Tinman, the two of us are gonna head out to look for the violet8lood.  
TINMAN: HALT.  
VRISKA: What is it, Tinny?  
TAVROS: aRE WE FORGETTING SOMETHING???  
TINMAN: IF YOU ARE TO VENTURE ON THIS PLANET, YOU MUST HAVE THE PROPER EQUIPMENT.  
TINMAN: THE SHIP HAS DETETCTED MANY DOMED CITIES UNDEREATH THE WATER'S SURFACE.  
TINMAN: ERIDAN WILL MOST LIKELY BE IN ONE OF THEM, BUT UNTIL YOU CAN REACH ONE, YOU WILL NEED SCUBA GEAR.  
TINMAN: HEAD DOWN THOSE CHUTES TO THE LEFT OF THE CONTROL PANEL.  
TINMAN: THEY WILL EQUIP YOU WITH EVERYTHING NECESSARY FOR YOUR TRAVELS.  
VRISKA: Gotcha! :::;)  


Vriska and Tavros head towards the chutes as Tinman puts away the table and stomps over to the microphone above the control panel. Vriska gives him a salute while Tavros waves goodbye. With the push of a button, Vriska and Tavros are sent down the chutes, getting suited up in scuba gear before eventually being dunked into the water. As well as being optimal for underwater, the suits are also equipped with communication devices and slots for any weapons. In the case of Tavros, his Sonic Scredriver.

TINMAN: _VRISKA, TAVROS, CAN YOU HEAR ME?_  
VRISKA: Loud and clear, 8uddy.  
TAVROS: pERFECTLY,,,  
TINMAN: _GOOD._  
TINMAN: _THERE IS A CITY WITHIN THIRTY FEET OF YOUR LOCATION._  
TINMAN: _SWIM OVER THERE AND BE ON YOUR GUARD._  
VRISKA: You're the 8oss, man.  
VRISKA: Come along, 8ull 8oy, and don't fall 8ehind!  
TAVROS: rIGHT BEHIND YOU, vRIS,,,  


The unlikely duo set a course for the nearest unnamed underwater city. The journey is calm, with not a single disturbance, though Tavros stops a few times to admire the sea life. It annoys Vriska, naturally. And I'd have to agree with her on this one. There's plenty of time to admire the sea life later, but now they have to focus on finding Eridan.

The trip, minus the time wasted by Tavros's self-made pauses, takes about ten minutes. Upon arrival, the two are met with myriad amounts of red dots pointed right at them. They're both thinking the same thing, but for the sake of certainty (and making sure that his assistance doesn't go to waste), they decide to ask Tinman what the deal is.

TAVROS: hEY, tINMAN???  
TAVROS: dO THOSE RED DOTS ALL OVER US MEAN WHAT WE THINK THEY MEAN??? }:[  
TINMAN: _I AM AFRAID SO._  
TINMAN: _THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF SNIPERS READY TO FIRE AT WILL._  
TINMAN: _I SUGGEST THAT YOU EVADE BEFORE THEY-_  


Just then, a voice calls from a distance. It is a powerful, assertive, and quite regal voice. The kind of voice that, once you hear it, will bring you to your knees and make you grovel at the feet of the person with such a voice.

????: HOLD YOUR FIRE!  


Vriska and Tavros look in the direction that the voice came from as the red dots slowly disappear from their bodies. Whoever that person is, they might have just saved their lives. Then, from inside the city, a person rapidly swims outside on a... seahorse? How the hell do you find a seahorse big enough to ride? Anyway, as the seahorse gets closer to our travelling duo, suddenly everything makes sense.

VRISKA: Oh..  
VRISKA: It's you. ::::/  


Yup. It's Eridan.

ERIDAN: wwhat?  
ERIDAN: dont i deservve a thank you for savving your livves?  
ERIDAN: wwhy do i evver expect common decency from those lowwer on the hemospectrum?  


Yeah... Let's go see what the fellas are up to now. I'm getting fourth-hand embarrassment.


	15. JAKE: Begin Your Wacky Expedition==>

# JAKE: Begin Your Wacky Expedition==>

Let's take it back a little bit. Back on Ozenix, Jake stands and stares at the TARDIS console, still in disbelief that he's living out an episode of _Doctor Who._ All of time and space at his fingertips. He could go anywhere and anywhen he wanted to. Oh, the adventures! He's living the dream! Filled with more than enough enthusiasm, he flips a switch on the console, initiating the TARDIS's liftoff into space.

JAKE: Alrighty folks!  
JAKE: Thus begins our wacky expedition!  
JAKE: (Crummers i still cannot remember the name of that anime for the life of me.)  
JAKE: (Ah well ill figure it out eventually.)  
JAKE: Who here is excited?!  
JOHN: ...  
DAVE: ...  
DIRK: ...  
JAKE: Oh come on!  
JAKE: With this ship we literally have access to all of time and space!  
JAKE: Everything that ever happened or ever will!  
JAKE: Theres so many places we can go so many people we can see!  
JAKE: I thought youd all be absolutely overjoyed at the fact!  


"Sorry, Jake. I don't think they care as much as you do. It's okay, bud."

DIRK: Well, I think you should take a moment to assess the travelers you have accompanying you on this "wacky expedition."  
DIRK: You got John over there...  
JOHN: i've broken time once or twice... maybe even thrice.  
JOHN: as much as i love the idea of travelling through time, i don't think we should get too carried away.  
JOHN: not to mention that, with you being the doctor, we could get into all sorts of trouble.  
DIRK: ...then there's Dave...  
DAVE: literal time player here  
DAVE: im still not crystal clear on what that means but yeah yknow  
DAVE: im not too hot on that whole time travel deal  
DIRK: ...and then you've got me.  
JAKE: What about you?  
DIRK: Have you known me as the type of guy to show excitement?  
JAKE: I guess not.  
DIRK: But you should probably also consider the fact that, even though we're in a ship that can travel through time and space, you're just taking us back to modern-day Earth.  
JAKE: The universe is expansive and someone has to be on earth when things run amuck.  
JAKE: All of the other doctors are probably scattered all throughout space and time so i shall accept the responsibility of protecting modern-day earth.  


Truer words have never been spoken. Those words seem to lightly touch the hearts of Jake's companions, but Dave looks at the location on the map onscreen.

DAVE: dude seriously?  
DAVE: youre taking us to the pyramids of giza?  
DAVE: who would wanna explore some dusty old pyramids with old dead dudes wrapped in tp?  
JAKE: I am right here dave.  
JOHN: c'mon, dave, give him a break.  
JOHN: he's just an adventurer doing what any adventurer would do when given an opportunity to go anywhere and anytime at any moment they choose.  
JOHN: i say we explore those pyramids!  
DAVE: of course youd take his side egbert  
JOHN: us bespectacled boys have to stick together.  
DIRK: I have to admit: the idea of exploring ancient Egyptian tombs sounds like a lot of fun.  
DIRK: But how do you plan on getting us inside of them?  
JAKE: Oh right hadnt thought of that.  
JAKE: Not to worry!  
JAKE: Ill just adjust the coordinates a wee bit and that should land us right inside-  


The TARDIS crashes right into one of the pyramids. Well, it wouldn't be a true DW-style adventure if it didn't happen at least once.

JAKE: -the pyramids.  
JAKE: Heh sorry chaps.  
DAVE: nice flying english  
DAVE: you crashed right into a world landmark  
DAVE: why dont we check out the great wall next?  
JAKE: I can do without the hostility dave.  
JAKE: Besides the ancient egyptians were able to build these.  
JAKE: The modern egyptians can handle this no sweat.  
JAKE: Now come along!  
JAKE: Our wacky expedition starts now!  


Jake, the excited, adventurous Whovian that he is, swings the TARDIS doors open and dashes outside into the great pyramid.

DAVE: that man is really committed to that phrase isnt he?  
JOHN: you're talking about the same guy who coined the phrase "binge watchathon."  
DIRK: He just has a quirky manner of speaking.  
DIRK: So are we gonna join him, or what?  
DAVE: i dont think we have a choice bro  
JOHN: then let's hop to it.  


And hop to it, they do. Literally. The TARDIS is kinda high up from steady ground. Jake legit just ran outside and fell onto the hard ground without a peep. Luckily he's okay. (Actually, he wasn't but I used my god powers to make it so that he was. What? I'm not allowed to use my god powers for good?) Anyway, the other three land safely on the ground, right in front of Jake, who's just laying there after taking that embarrassing tumble.

DAVE: yo jake  
DAVE: you good dude?  
JAKE: For someone who just fell about three yards flat on his face onto hard ground im feeling *capital* thanks for asking.  
JOHN: are you sure you're okay?  
JOHN: that was quite a fall, man.  
JAKE: Yeah yeah perfect just dandy.  
JAKE: Dirk can you help me up?  
DIRK: Sure thing, pal.  
DIRK: Give me your hand.  


Jake locks hands with Dirk, who picks him up from the ground. Jake brushes himself off and readjusts his bowtie.

JAKE: Thank you.  
DIRK: No problem.  
JAKE: Now lets get to business!  
JAKE: As i was laid out on the cold floor i noticed something in the distance: an opened sarcophagus.  
JOHN: oh, that's never good.  
JOHN: but knowing both _doctor who_ and you, we're gonna investigate, aren't we?  
JAKE: Precisely!  
JAKE: Proceed with caution men.  
JAKE: Theres no telling what dangers could be lurking in the shadows.  


The four slowly approach the opened sarcophagus on the floor, being mindful of their surroundings. As they get closer and closer, Dirk hears footsteps from behind them. Footsteps other than those of himself and his group. In an attempt to get Jake's attention without alerting the potential threats, he gently nudges him and speaks quietly.

DIRK: Jake, I think we're being followed.  
JAKE: Yeah i had a feeling that would happen.  
JOHN: how many do you think there are?  
DIRK: Sound like there's only two people, judging by the foootsteps.  
DAVE: that doesnt sound too bad  
DAVE: what do you think jake?  
JAKE: I think we should just stay quiet and keep moving.  
JAKE: Were almost there.  


The gang continues walking without question, ignoring the footsteps behind them. Sounds can be heard from all around them. Possibly more sarcophagi being opened, with the contents spilling out all over the tomb floors. The men march on, completely unphased by the noises. In a matter of moments, they arrive at the open sarcophagus.

JOHN: well, we're here.  
JOHN: what now?  
JAKE: We look inside.  
JOHN: what?! DAVE: what?! DIRK: What?!  


"Hey, hey, hey. Hold on fellas. hear the man out. He knows what he's talking about. Probably."

Jake turns to face his companions and pulls out a fez from his coat pocket. How and when that got there, I don't know. Just accept it. He puts it on and starts pacing around the tombs.

JAKE: Just think about it for a moment.  
JAKE: The way the sarcophagus cover was neatly angled against the bottom theres no way it fell off when we crashed in here!  
JAKE: No it was set up that way for us to find and investigate!  
JAKE: Lads i daresay this is the start of quite the adventure!  
DAVE: so youre telling me that you think the sarcophagus was opened for us intentionally?  
DAVE: that someone was expecting us if not someone to come here for an adventure?  
JAKE: Of course i am!  
JAKE: Try and keep up.  
JOHN: jake, listen, i know you love adventures and all, but i'm sure you've seen enough _indiana jones_ movies to know why this is such a bad idea!  
DIRK: Or maybe even the _Mummy_ series.  
DAVE: what were saying is youre crazy if you think were just gonna-  
DAVE: and you looked inside  
DAVE: were all dead now  


"Dave, stop jumping to conclusions. You'll be fine. Just watch."

Seriously, if those folks could hear me, things would go ten times faster. Jake raises an eyebrow and looks at the contents of the open sarcophagus with confusion.

JAKE: Its... filled with bones.  
JAKE: There should be a mummy in here but its nothing but a big pile of bones.  
JOHN: oh, well that's... kinda relieving.   
DIRK: Looks like all of these sarcophagi are filled with bones.  
DIRK: Did we get all worked up for nothing?   
JAKE: It appears so.  
JAKE: I was expecting some sort of treasure or at least a treasure *map* but i was unfortunately disappointed.  
JAKE: Come along men.  
JAKE: Well head back to the ship and find adventure elsewhere.  


Jake removes his fez and hangs his head. His companions can't help but feel bad for him. Even though they're all aware that there's plenty others to have, a failed adventure hits Jake hard. Sensing his despair, they go to comfort him.

JOHN: hey, jake.  
JOHN: don't feel so down in the dumps, pal.  
JOHN: even though there wasn't an adventure waiting for us, we can still make our own, right?  
DIRK: Plus, we've only been inside one pyramid, and last I checked, there were three of them.  
DAVE: im all for making our own adventure  
DAVE: as long as its not dangerous and could get us killed  
DAVE: ive died more times than i need to  
DAVE: that is to say ive died more than once  
JAKE: Heh thanks lads.  
JAKE: Im glad to be travelling with you.  


Jake suddenly stops in his tracks and snaps his fingers. He finally remembered.

JAKE: _JOJO'S BIZZARE ADVENTURE!_  
JAKE: THAT WAS THE NAME!  
DAVE: kudos to you british bro  
DAVE: though i still have a couple of questions  
DAVE: who were those people following us?  
DAVE: and what kind of wacko opens a bunch of mummy coffins and fills them with bones?  


Just then, a bunch of skulls fall on our travelers, pelting them and leaving minor scrapes and bruises. Fortunately, they'll be able to recover quickly. Confused, they all look around to find who or what could've caused all those skulls to land on them so suddenly. Then Jake notices two horned figures in the distance. Their footsteps echo throughout the tombs. Jake smiles once the two figures get close enough for him to make out who they are.

JAKE: Nepeta and aradia!  
JAKE: What the dickens are you two doing here?!  
ARADIA: well its s0rt 0f a l0ng st0ry  
NEPETA: :33< *nepeta and aradia would be pawsitively happy to tell you efurry little detail!*  
JOHN: yes, please.  
DAVE: that would be a big help  
DIRK: We need some light shed on this situation.  


And with that, I think it's time we see what the ladies are up to now. How are they enduring the frigid temperatures of the unknown planet?


	16. JADE: Find Shelter==>

# JADE: Find Shelter==>

Jade and her crew managed to find a cave after traversing the snowy land for what felt like hours. Without considering who or what could be inside, they decided to take shelter inside.

Finally safe from the harsh blizzard outside, Jade notices a small pit filled with logs, possibly for a bonfire.

JADE: hey, jane, think you can help me out with this fire?  
JANE: I'm sorry, but I don't have a lighter on me.  
JANE: Lalondes, what about you?  
ROSE: Nothing, I'm afraid.  
ROXY: n-n-nada.  
JADE: its fine, we can figure something out.  
JADE: maybe i can use my sonic!  
JANE: I may not be an expert on Whovianisms like you or Jake, but I doubt that Sonic Screwdriver will do us any good with this fire.  
JADE: maybe, but it wont hurt to try.  


Jade takes her Sonic Screwdriver out of her coat pocket and points it at the log pit. She presses the button and... nothing happens. She tries it again, nothing. Jane looks at her with a raised brow, wondering why she's still trying. Jade groans and continues still, since it's the only option there is other than freezing to death.

As the Glasswear Gals struggle with getting the fire going, Rose and Roxy take the opportunity to get caught up.

ROXY: oh, its so c-c-cold.  
ROXY: i sh-shoulda brought my scarf with me.  
ROSE: Oh, you can have mine.  
ROSE: I have no need for it anyway.  
ROXY: oh rose, i c-c-couldn't.  
ROXY: that s-s-scarf's all you have left of your mother.  
ROXY: y-y-you should keep it.  
ROSE: No, I insist, Roxy.  
ROSE: Besides, you are technically my mom.  
ROSE: I've got you, so this scarf is essentially insignificant now.  


Roxy chuckles as she takes the scarf from Rose. She wraps it around her face and immediately feels a warmth surge through her body.

ROXY: oh my days.  
ROXY: i'm feelin warmer already.  
ROXY: it feels like it's been imbued with a mother's love.  
ROSE: That so?  
ROSE: Well, even though she was very emotionally distant from me and we never really knew each other that well, I guess deep down she always loved me.  
ROSE: But don't forget: I'm technically your mother, too.  
ROXY: oh, yeah.  
ROXY: so weird how that ectobio-babble works like that, where you, me, dave, and dirk are all related.  
ROSE: It's weirder with the J-Fam.  
ROXY: j-fam?  
ROSE: John, Jade, Jane, and Jake?  
ROXY: ooh, thats clever.  
ROXY: yeah, theirs is even weirder especially with janey's dad.  
ROXY: aint her dad and john's dad the same dad, anyway?  
ROSE: Not likely.  
ROSE: Dad Egbert, or "Dadbert," died at the hands of Jack Noir with my mother.  
ROXY: oh rite, i remember you said something about that.  
ROXY: i'm still sorry you had to go through that.  
ROSE: I've been through the five stages of grief and I've moved on from it.  
ROSE: I still miss her dearly, but with you, Kanaya, and everyone else, I don't feel alone.  


Rose's smile fades. She begins to worry for her loving wife. Usually, she can take care of herself with that badass lipstick chainsaw, but they're in _Doctor Who_ world now, and all she has to defend herself is a glorified, intergalactic Swiss Army knife that doesn't work on wood for some reason. It's been hours since the Doctors' group video chat, and she barely saw Kanaya during the time. She just hopes that she's faring well.

ROXY: hey, don't worry rose.  
ROXY: youll see your green vampire babe again.  
ROXY: i'm sure of it.  
ROSE: Thanks, Roxy.  
ROSE: I don't doubt that for a moment, but I just can't help but worry about her sometimes.  
ROSE: I'm certain you understand, right?  
ROXY: well... kinda, i guess.  


And now Roxy's mind is wandering, thinking about the special someone in _her_ life. She bites her lip and looks into the distance, then returns her gaze to Rose.

ROXY: i do worry from time to time, but if i know him, he'll turn out fine.  
ROXY: he's a real tough cookie yknow.  
ROSE: Have you asked him yet?  


"Wow, Rose. Way to completely shift the subject, girl." Roxy's face goes bright red after Rose's totally unexpected question. Despite being in the coldest area she's ever been in, she's breaking quite the nervous sweat.

ROXY: what?!  
ROXY: what're ya tlkn about, rosey?  
ROSE: Jake.  
ROSE: We went on a couple adventures together since we barely talk, and he said that you spend a lot of time around him.  
ROSE: At first, I had assumed you were doing the same as me, but then he mentioned the way you behave around him: slightly altering your voice, your posture, your overall composure.  
ROSE: That was when I pieced it together.  
ROSE: You have a crush on Jake.  
ROXY: le sigh.  
ROXY: yeah, i do.  
ROXY: and no, i haven't.  
ROXY: waitin for the right time, y'know?  
ROSE: I understand completely, Roxy.  
ROSE: Just remember: you miss one hundred percent of the shots you don't take.  
ROSE: Quote from the famous John Mulaney.  
ROXY: lmao, no the hell it isnt!  
ROSE: I know.  
ROSE: I was just "joshing around."  


FWOOSH! Finally, the fire was lit. Turns out the Sonic Screwdriver radiates a small amount of heat that only needed to be amplified by- Actually, know what? No, I'm not gonna bullshit that. Jane had a lighter in her coat pocket the whole time and didn't bother to actually check.

JANE: My apologies.  
JANE: I should've actually checked my coat first.  
JADE: it's okay, jane.  
JADE: we have fire now, so we should be good.  
????: )(OW WOND-ERFUL!!! 38D  
????: Y34H, TH4NKS FOR TH4T, L4D13S  


From just outside the cave, Feferi and Terezi enter, carrying a large... creature on their shoulders.

TEREZI: NOW DO US 4NOTH3R FAVOR 4ND H3LP US COOK TH1S B4D BOY >:]  
FEFERI: Yes, t)(is t)(ing is exseadingly )(eavy.  


You know the drill. Back to Tinman.


	17. TINMAN: Be Vriska and Tavros==>

# TINMAN: Be Vriska and Tavros==>

Vriska and Tavros follow Eridan into the underwater city that he seems to be the ruler of. How he managed that, no one knows, not even Eridan hims- Wait, I just realized he's still in his Doctor suit! He better not be getting it wet! That's quality shit right there!

VRISKA: So, fish face, how'd you end up here?  
VRISKA: 8oth on this planet and the ruler of this underwater city?  
ERIDAN: wwell vvris to tell you the truth i dont knoww  
ERIDAN: my mysterious police box wwas already here wwhen i arrivved  
ERIDAN: and in regards to bein this citys leader it just happened  
ERIDAN: i had no idea howw to pilot the ship and it dropped into the wwater  
ERIDAN: luckily the doors wwere closed shut so nothin inside got wwet  
ERIDAN: but wwhen i stepped out i wwas greeted wwith a beautiful sight  
ERIDAN: this subaquatic city callin out to me  
ERIDAN: i felt like it wwas my fate to be here  
ERIDAN: so i approached it wwith the pomp and circumstance that i assume this doctor has and i wwas met wwith nothin but adoration  
ERIDAN: they treated me like...  
ERIDAN: like royalty!  
ERIDAN: it wwas a dream come true!  
ERIDAN: then i got bored of it and asked that they just treat me like a normal aquorian  
ERIDAN: theyre called aquorians by the wway  
ERIDAN: it may havve been short livved but it wwas still fun  
TAVROS: wOW,,,  


"Indeed, Tavros." So, you mean to tell me that Eridan Ampora, one of the two highbloods on Alternia, the _literal_ Prince of Hope, finally got a taste of being royalty and got sick of it? That's like if a person with a god complex got a taste of being a god and decided that they preferred being mortal. Come on. Make it make sense.

Vriska rolls her eyes at her former Kismesis's ramble of a short-lived glory.

VRISKA: W8,w8,w8.  
VRISKA: So you mean to tell me that-  


Yeah, she basically says the same thing I just said. Lame.

VRISKA: Fish 8reath, if you have 8een given a powerful status, you don't squander it or give it up!  
ERIDAN: i didnt squander it vvris  
ERIDAN: i enjoyed it for the time i had it  
ERIDAN: and to be frank id rather spend time wwith these people like the doctor wwould  
VRISKA: Uuuuuuuugh.  
VRISKA: Am I the only one who isn't trying to conform to their role?  
TAVROS: dEFINITELY,,,  
ERIDAN: wwithout a doubt  
TINMAN: _YOU CERTAINLY ARE._  
VRISKA: Oh, shut up, you 8ucket of 8olts!  
TAVROS: bUT IF YOU'RE NOT THEIR LEADER ANYMORE, wHY DO THEY STILL LISTEN TO YOU???  
ERIDAN: look at these aquorians  
ERIDAN: they havve no one to turn to  
ERIDAN: they must see me as their source for guidance  
ERIDAN: not to mention that theyre all incredibly adorable  


You know what axolotls are, right? Yeah, Aquorians look like humanoid axolotls.

TAVROS: cAN I SEE??? }:D  
VRISKA: No!  
ERIDAN: noww noww vvris  
ERIDAN: unless the cyberman in the ship objects youre both more than wwelcome to take a tour of aquoria  
TINMAN: _THIS SHIP IS CAPABLE OF SPACE, DIMENSIONAL, AND TIME TRAVEL._  
TINMAN: _I DO NOT OBJECT._  
VRISKA: IS EVERY8NE AG8INST ME TOD8Y?!  


"No. You're just trying to push a story at your own pace. News flash, Serket, you're not god. I am. Watch."

Vriska kicks herself in the shin at full force.

VRISKA: GOD, N8T AGA8N!  
TAVROS: vRISKA, aRE YOU OKAY???  
ERIDAN: wwhy did you just kick yourself in the shin?  
VRISKA: I think the more important question is why it still hurts as much underwater as it does on land.  
TAVROS: sO,,,  
TAVROS: aRE YOU GONNA COME WITH US ON THIS TOUR OR WHAT???  
VRISKA: Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever.  
ERIDAN: wwonderful  
ERIDAN: followw me and ill make it as quick as i can  


Eridan whistles, summoning two more giant seahorses for Vriska and Tavros to ride throughout Aquoria.

ERIDAN: i bet youre wwonderin wwhere these giant seahorses came from  
TAVROS: i KNOW I HAVE, bUT I WONT SPEAK FOR VRISKA,,,  
VRISKA: No, no, I've 8een wondering, too.  
ERIDAN: the answwers awwait beyond the gate  
ERIDAN: hop on and followw me  


As one might have guessed, the two nonsea-dwellers struggle to mount the seahorses. Imagine that one scene in JJBA when Joseph tried to mount the camel. Yeah, it's like that, but ten times funnier, especially in Vriska's case. She swears a lot, but because of the censorship, she just says a bunch of old-timey British words very aggressively. Eridan pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs.

ERIDAN: you can just gently rub their snouts to get them to let you on  
ERIDAN: that should be easy for you tavv  
ERIDAN: but for vvris not so much  
ERIDAN: i knoww bein gentle is a challenge for you  
VRISKA: Curse you, Ampora. >::::(  


Vriska and Tavros do as instructed, and the seahorses lower themselves to allow their temporary riders on. Tavros lets out a giddy giggle.

TAVROS: oH, iF I HAD MY LANCE, i COULD GO JOUSTING!!!  
ERIDAN: i advvise against it im afraid  
ERIDAN: despite your first impression aquorians are a vvery peaceful people  
ERIDAN: but there are much other evvents to partake in if you wwish  
TAVROS: aS LONG AS I'M HAVING FUN, i DON'T CARE WHAT I DO!!!  
VRIKSA: Let's just get this over with.  
ERIDAN: you heard the lady  
ERIDAN: onwward!  


Vriska and Tavros rush to get a good grip on the seahorses before they take off into Aquoria.

As the first three troll Doctors venture through Aquoria, Tinman checks his ship computer to find the others.

TINMAN: ONE, TWO, AND THREE ARE CLOSE BY, TRAVELLING THROUGH AN UNDERWATER CIVILIZATION.  
TINMAN: THE COMPUTER HAS PICKED UP THREE ON AN ICE PLANET IN 2059.  
TINMAN: THREE OTHERS IN EGYPT IN THE CURRENT YEAR.  
TINMAN: ONE IS LOCATED NEAR A WORM HOLE.  
TINMAN: I SHOULD PRIORITIZE THEM AFTER THESE ONES ARE DONE.  
TINMAN: WHICH LEAVES TWO IN AN INTERGALACTIC PRISON AND TWO IN THE WILD WEST.  
TINMAN: EXCELLENT.  
TINMAN: THESE FOOLS WERE FAR TOO QUICK TO TRUST ME.  
TINMAN: BUT THAT JADE GIRL WAS SMART IN HAVING HER SUSPICIONS.  
TINMAN: I HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN KEEP UP THIS ACT BEFORE I GET FOUND OUT.  
TINMAN: SOON ALL THE PIECES WILL FALL INTO PLACE.  
TINMAN: AND MY VICTORY WILL BE ENSuRED.  


Wow. Raise your hand if you knew a twist regarding Tinman was coming, but you didn't expect it to be _that._ Good. Okay, if you need a break to process this, I understand. take all the time you need. I'll be here, waiting for your return. God, that sounded creepy.


	18. JADE: Eat Up==>

# JADE: Eat Up==>

Okay, with that unexpected reveal about Tinman and TavEriVris on their underwater expedition, I think it's about time we turn our focus away from that facet of the story for a while and focus solely on the humans again. That sound good? Good.

Terezi and Feferi use the bonfire ignited by Jade and Jane an hour ago to cook the large... creature that they caught. They made quite the team when it came to hunting that behemoth, actually. Feferi cut a big hole in the ice for them to jump into. She handled navigation while Terezi used her sense of smell to find the biggest, juiciest... Let's just call it a fish. The water was ice cold, but, I mean, what else would you expect on a planet that's a big-ass distance from its sun? Anyway, after the meat got nice and tender, it was time to feast!

JADE: oh my gosh!  
JADE: this is delicious! :D  
JADE: i've never had fish before!  


Ah. So it _is_ fish.

FEFERI: You can t)(ank terezsea for t)(at!  
FEFERI: It's a good t)(ing we )(ad )(er FINTASTIC NOS-E, ot)(erwise, we would )(ave gone yet anot)(er nig)(t wit)(out food.  
TEREZI: OK4Y, F1RST OF 4LL, PL34SE R3FR41N FROM M4K1NG N4UT1C4L PUNS W1TH MY N4ME  
TEREZI: S3COND OF 4LL, _YOU_ WOULD H4V3 GON3 Y3T 4NOTH3R N1GHT W1THOUT FOOD  
TEREZI: _1_ WOULD H4V3 B33N P3RF3CTLY F1N3  
TEREZI: 3SP3C14LLY NOW TH4T TH3R3'S 4 BUNCH OF L3MON FL4VOR3D SNOW 4ROUND  


"I- Terezi, sweetie- That's not-" Ugh. I don't have the heart to tell her. And it looks like none of the others do, either.

ROSE: Regardless, thanks for letting us stay in this cave with you.  
ROXY: yeah, if we'd stayed out there any longer, my curls woulda lost their bounce.  
JANE: Ooh-wee, sitting next to this fire makes me feel warmer than a muffin in the oven!  
JANE: So did you both end up here after the call, or were you both already here?  
FEFERI: I'M SO )(APPY YOU ASK-ED! 38D  
FEFERI: After t)(e call, terezi and i made a private call and arranged to find a planet w)(ere t)(e two of us would stay.  
FEFERI: I wanted a beautiful sky and plenty of water!  
TEREZI: 1 W4NT3D COLD 4ND C4V3S  
FEFERI: So we carpromised and settled on this planet!  
JADE: that's great!  
JADE: now i've got a question.  
TEREZI: HOW 1MPORT4NT 1S 1T ON 4 SC4L3 OF ON3 TO T3N?  
JADE: i'd say... a fifteen.  
FEFERI: Great barrier reef. 38O  
JADE: have either of you encountered a cyberman on this planet?  
JADE: affectionately referred to as "tinman"?  
TEREZI: WH4T'S 4 CYB3ERM4N?  
TEREZI: 1S TH4T SOM3 SORT OF ROBOT?  
TEREZI: 1'V3 S33N 4 ROBOT H4NG1NG 4ROUND H3R3  
JADE: did that robot have a glowing blue light in its chest?  
TEREZI: HOW BLU3?  
TEREZI: COTTON C4NDY OR BLU3 R4SPB3RRY?  
JADE: uh...  
JADE: rose would you say the blue is more blue raspberry or cotton candy?  
ROSE: Cotton candy.  
TEREZI: TH3N Y3S 1 D1D 3NCOUNT3R 4 CYB3RM4N  
JADE: did he approach you?  
TEREZI: 1F H3 D1D 1 WOULDN'T B3 4BL3 TO T3LL  
JADE: damn it. :/  
JADE: but that means tinman was here!  
JADE: possibly to inform the two of you on his plan.  


Feferi and Terezi glare at Jade with confusion. Guess Tinman never got the chance to tell them. Maybe he just stopped by for a quick break from that boring spaceship. He may be a human devoid of emotions inside a metal casing, but he's still a human.

JADE: damn it!  
JANE: Jade, darling, I think you need to take your mind off of Tinman for a while.  
ROXY: janey's right.  
ROXY: i mean, were able 2 travel thru time and space!  
ROXY: we should be havin fun!  
ROXY: the night is young and we get 2 see our troll friends!  
ROXY: im sure the fellas r havin a good time ;3  


"They sure are, Roxy. Especially Jake. He's having the time of his life with two of his favorite trolls. Their chemistry is just perfect."

FEFERI: Um, i'm sorry to interrupt, but does anyone else )(ear t)(at?  
ROSE: All I hear is the wind and the fire.  
ROSE: What do you hear, Fef?  
FEFERI: Sounds like... growling.  
FEFERI: Very )(ostile growling.  
JADE: before anyone asks, it's not me.  
TEREZI: 1 SM3LL A LOT OF MYST3RY FL4VOR3D SNOW COM1NG R1GHT TOW4RDS US  
TEREZI: WH4T 1 WOULDN'T G1V3 TO H4V3 MY CAN3 W1TH M3  
JANE: Wait, wait, wait.  
JANE: You can't be saying what I think you're saying.  
JANE: I _hope_ you're not saying what I think you're saying!  


Seeming to appear out of nowhere comes a group of deadly... snowmen! What? No, it's not lazy! There's literally an episode of _Doctor Who_ where the monsters are snowmen! And not the abominable kind! Actual, three big snowballed, snowmen! Sheesh!

ROXY: omg we're about to be killed by a bunch of killer snowmen  
ROXY: of all the ways i thought i'd croak, killer snowmen wasn't even on the list.  
ROSE: Jade, what do we do?  
JADE: terezi, feferi, do you know where your tardises are?  
TEREZI: 1 DON'T TH1NK 1'LL B3 4BL3 TO LOC4T3 1T 1N T1M3  
FEFERI: And mine is deep underwater.  
JADE: than i guess we'll have to fend off these cretins!  
JANE: With what?  
JANE: None of us have weapons!  


Just then, Jade looks at the bonfire, then a plan quickly hatches. It's most likely not a good one, since it was a last-minute plan, but it's better than nothing.

JADE: rose, roxy, jane, get to my tardis.  
JADE: terezi, feferi, and i will hande the snowmen.  
ROSE: You heard The Doctor.  
ROSE: Quickly!  


Completely disregarding the blizzard, Rose, Roxy, and Jane run as fast as they can to get to Jade's TARDIS. Terezi and Feferi await further instructions as the snowmen draw ever closer.

JADE: you two, grab a piece of wood from the bonfire and take out our sonic screwdrivers.  
FEFERI: Sonic... w)(at?  
JADE: oh no, i forgot.  
JADE: six and seven don't have sonics!  
JADE: well, just grab the wood.  
JADE: i'll handle the sonicking.  
TEREZI: YOU'R3 PL4NN1NG ON M3LT1NG TH3S3 SNOWM3N 4R3N'T YOU?  
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU SUR3 TH4T'LL WORK?  
JADE: well, the doctor's never really sure of anything, are they? ;)  
TEREZI: 1 L1K3 TH3 W4Y YOU TH1NK, J4D3 >:]  
TEREZI: L3T'S DO TH1S!  


Feferi tosses Jade and Terezi pieces of burning wood and keeps one for herself. Jade takes out her Sonic Screwdriver and points it at the horde of snowmen.

FERFERI: Okay, jade, w)(at's t)(e plan?  
JADE: throw the wood at the snowmen.  
JADE: i'll use the sonic to blow them up.  
FEFERI: 38O  
TEREZI: >:O  
JADE: just trust me.  
JADE: i'm the doctor.  
JADE: i've always wanted to say that. ;)  


Big grins form on Terezi and Feferi's faces. It's time to melt some snowmen.

Meanwhile, in Jade's TARDIS...

ROSE: Jane, what did you do?!  
JANE: I don't know!  
JANE: But it's making the ship go all crazy!  
ROXY: omgomgomgomg jade's gonna be so miffed when she finds out her ship is missing!  
ROSE: Hold on, everyone!  
ROSE: We're taking off!  
JANE: AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!  
ROXY: aaaaahhhh!!!  


Oh. That's not good. Let's see what Nep, Ara, and the fellas are up to, shall we?


	19. JAKE: Explore the Catacombs==>

# JAKE: Explore the Catacombs==>

Just as expected, Skull, Bones, and Claws are leading the pack and chatting up a storm while Dave, Dirk, and John trail behind, carrying a large sack of bones and skulls. What? You seriously didn't think Jake and Aradia wouldn't seize this opportunity to expand their collections?

JAKE: So how did you two stumble across the pyramids?  
ARADIA: well my ship was already in flight during 0ur call  
ARADIA: it seemed t0 be heading t0 this l0cati0n anyway  
ARADIA: as f0r nepeta i havent the f0ggiest idea  
NEPETA: :33< apurrently the location was in the ship's travel history  
NEPETA: :33< so i did the best pawsible thing and selected it  
NEPETA: :33< then it brought me here  
NEPETA: :33< and when i saw aradia, i sprinted toward her, and pounced on her!  
ARADIA: y0u w0uldnt believe me if i t0ld y0u h0w str0ng she is  
ARADIA: i think spending s0 much time with equius made y0u just as str0ng as he is  
NEPETA: :33< *nepeta laughs at how ridiculous aradia's statement is*  
NEPETA: :33< i could never be stronger than my meowrail!  
NEPETA: :33< equius is the strongest purrson i know  
ARADIA: believe me i kn0w  
ARADIA: he managed t0 escape that beating i gave him with n0thing m0re than a few bruises  
NEPETA: :33< oh, yeah, i heard about that  
NEPETA: :33< i know he was flushed fur you, but he should have known better than to manipulate your f33lings with his techie skills  


Jake and Dirk inhale through their teeth simultaneously after hearing that. It sounded pretty similar to their whole situation with them and Lil Hal. They agree that it's time to change the subject, and fast.

JAKE: Anyway glad to have you both here!  
JAKE: The more people the more ground to cover.  
JAKE: Not to mention aradia and I know our way around a few catacombs.  
ARADIA: that we d0 english  
DAVE: hold up hold up hold up  
DAVE: you two arent implying that were gonna split up _scooby-doo_ style later are you?  
JAKE: Oh dont be daft old boy!  
ARADIA: were g0ing thr0ugh a bunch 0f sarc0phagi and taking their remains  
ARADIA: we are definitely upsetting hundreds 0f deceased spirits that are m0re than likely t0 pick us 0ff 0ne by 0ne if we split up  
ARADIA: well just expl0re m0re 0f each r00m at a time  
JOHN: easier said than done, you know.  
DIRK: This sack weighs about a hundred and fifty pounds.  
DIRK: We won't be covering much ground if we're lugging this thing around all the time.  
JOHN: this is giving me quite the workout, though.  
JOHN: maybe i'll be as built as jake after this.  
DIRK: Yeah, keep dreaming, bud.  


"Yeah, John. You don't achieve a body like _that_ from heavy lifting. That's that 'every day is literally a fight for my life' type of body. Sorry to say it, but you wil never be as built as Jake is."

John scrunches his nose, furrows his brows, and releases the sack, leaving the Striders to carry it by themselves.

JOHN: aradia, is it _really_ necessary that you collect every single bone in this pyramid?  
JOHN: how many bones does a woman need, anyway?  
ARADIA: as much as a w0man can get my dear j0hn  
ARADIA: in my case all 0f them  
JAKE: If you need a break neppy could take the sack off your hands.  
NEPETA :33< *nepeta grins from ear to ear at jake's suggestion*  
DAVE: as long as i dont have to carry this thing anymore i dont care who _does_  
DIRK: Seconded.  
DIRK: Take this sack, catgirl.  


Dirk and Dave use all of their strength to toss the sack o' bones to Nepeta, who-

NEPETA: :33< *nepeta leaps and cat-ches the heavy sack in midair, then lands on her feet and purroceeds to carry the sack with no sweat*  


Hmm. Maybe I should just let Nepeta handle her own narration.

DAVE: damn  
DIRK: Aradia was not kidding.  
DIRK: That girl is strong with a capital STRONG.  


"There's someone out there who would've said the exact same thing, Dirk."

JAKE: Now that that weights literally off your shoulders let us press onward!  
ARADIA: nepeta and i have already expl0red m0st 0f this pyramid  
ARADIA: and the 0ther tw0 entirely  
ARADIA: all thats left is the r00m in fr0nt 0f us  
NEPETA: :33< but befur we go inside, what brought you here?  
JAKE: The thrill of adventure!  
JOHN: the tardis. DAVE: the tardis DIRK: The TARDIS.  
JAKE: Crikey dont be such debbie downers.  
ARADIA: th0se guys just d0nt appreciate y0u  
NEPETA: :33< but that's what we're here fur!  
JAKE: Precisely.  
DIRK: And what about you two?  
DIRK: What do you two expect from this?  
NEPETA: :33< sw33t, sw33t treasure!  
JOHN: and what about aradia?  


Aradia points at the massive sack that Nepeta's carrying in her right arm.

JOHN: oh, right.  
ARADIA: anyway we didnt have any luck in the 0ther pyramids when it came t0 treasure s0 h0pefully this 0ne will deliver.  
JAKE: Well in my experiences with exploring catacombs if theres a big door with gold accents and giant statues surrounding it theres bound to be treasure on the other side.  
JAKE: Plus i think only pharaohs were buried in pyramids and they were most likely drowning in gems and gold.  
DAVE: say less  
DAVE: how do we get in?  


The Doctors slowly approach the big door in front of them, thinking of a way to open it. They observe it carefully to find any hidden switches, but no luck. They even tried using their Sonic Screwdrivers to open it, but the effort proved futile. And as the typical Doctor/companion dynamic goes, John, Dave, and Dirk decided to use brute force instead. They picked up a piece of a broken pillar and charged toward the door, using it as a battering ram. The door swung open upon impact just before they lost their footing and landed flat on their faces. Ouch.

ARADIA: well when all else fails  
DAVE: we were just getting sick of the three of you trying to doctor the door open  
DAVE: i hate this "having to stay in character" rubbish  
NEPETA: :33< n33d any help?  
JOHN: no, no, i'm fine.  
JOHN: and dave's probably gonna get up soon.  
JAKE: Oi dirk.  
JAKE: You alright old chap?  
JAKE: That was quite the tumble.  
DIRK: I can't help but get the feeling that you're patronizing me, and once we're out of this universe, I am giving you a really bloody stern talking-to.  
DIRK: Now help me up.  
JAKE: Youre a big boy.  
JAKE: You can do it yourself.  
DIRK: I guess I deserved that.  


Aradia and Nepeta help John and Dave up respectively while Dirk slowly peels himself up off of the ground. He adjusts his shades and looks ahead to find... a nearly empty room, save for a plain-looking box in the center.

DIRK: You have got to be mother-flipping kidding me!  
DIRK: All of that walking and back pain and falling flat on my face, nearly breaking the sweet shades, all for a stupid, basic box that probably has nothing but trash inside?!  


Gamers, who can relate?

ARADIA: dirk is it  
ARADIA: settle d0wn  
ARADIA: im sure that theres a g00d reas0n this 0rdinary l00king b0x was placed in this r00m  
NEPETA: :33< the box could be a way to trick people into thinking like that, clawsing them to turn around and try fur another treasure!  
JAKE: Well then lets open that sucker and see whats inside!  
NEPETA: :33< *nepeta apurroaches the box and uses her claw to carefully open it*  
DAVE: (does she have to narrate her actions?)  
DAVE: (i mean we can see what shes doing)  
DAVE: (seems a little unnecessary)  
JOHN: (i dunno, i think it's cute.)  
DAVE: (well i always say cuteness over necessity so)  
DIRK: (I have never heard you say that.)  


The box opened, Aradia and Jake join Nepeta at the side and marvel at the item inside the box: a glowing, golden orb.

DIRK: Well, it's not jewels, but it's something.  
DIRK: Let's get back to the TARDIS before whatever spirit we've upset comes to kill us one by one.  
JAKE: You three go on ahead.  
JAKE: Well take a closer look at this thing.  
DAVE: okay adventire maniacs  


Dave, Dirk, and John make their way back to the TARDIS while Aradia, Jake, and Nepeta try to continue to observe the orb, but are interrupted abruptly because, as predicted, they done went and upset some spirits. The room starts to shake, causing dust and debris to fall all around them. The floor starts to crumble under their feet. Thinking quickly, Jake stuffs the orb in his coat pocket and sprints out the door, followed by his fellow Doctors. Once his companions are in his sights, Jake calls out to them.

JAKE: EVERYONE BACK TO THE TARDIS NOW!  
DIRK: Called it!  
DIRK: You hacked off the spirits!  


YES! FINALY! IT AIN'T A TRIP WITH THE DOCTOR IF THERE AIN'T NO RUNNING! Our travelers make their way to Jake's TARDIS as fast as they can, avoiding the crumbling stones falling from above. John, Dave, and Dirk manage to make it inside, but a mummy bursts out of its sarcophagus and grabs Jake by his ankle. Jake struggles to get free from the mummy's grasp, but for a decayed corpse, it's remarkably strong. Nepeta drops the sack of bones and helps Aradia pry the mummy's hand from the rest of its body before the pyramid crumbles into pieces, but by the time Jake is free, the TARDIS doors close shut and takes off with the companions inside.

JAKE: NO WAIT OLD GIRL COME BACK!  
JAKE: YOU NEED TO SAVE US TOO!  
JAKE: NO!  
NEPETA: :33< *nepeta rubs her head against jake's arm to try and ch33r him up*  
JAKE: Thanks neppy.  
JAKE: Aradia do you know where yours or nepetas tardis is?  
ARADIA: i might but we need t0 find them fast  
ARADIA: we d0nt have much time left  
ARADIA: the pyraminds g0nna crush us s00n  
JAKE: Right.  
JAKE: Weve no time to waste.  
JAKE: GERONIMO!!!!!  


Meanwhile, in Jake's TARDIS...

DIRK: Hey, you piece of rubbish ship!  
DIRK: Where do you think you're going without your pilot?!  
DIRK: What kind of ship leaves their pilot behind?!  
DAVE: calm down bro!  
DAVE: theyll be fine  
DAVE: were talking about jake aradia and nepeta here  
DAVE: who need i remind you are in the roles of the experts in these scenarios  
JOHN: plus, the doctor's always managed to get out of tough spots at the last minute.  
JOHN: we should be more worried about ourselves and where _we're_ going.  
JOHN: it's not often that the tardis takes off on its own like this.  
DIRK: Right, right, right.  
DIRK: Yeah, I understand.  
DIRK: We gotta ride this one out and put our faith in The Doctors.  


Having been separated from their respective Doctors, our companions are left alone, in their TARDISes, not knowing where they'll be headed or what awaits at their next destination. All they can do is wait and hope that The Doctors make it out alive.


	20. COMPANIONS: Figure Out What Just Happened==>

# COMPANIONS: Figure Out What Just Happened==>

As promised, we're gonna be taking a break from Tinman and his escapades, but I'm not just gonna keep switching from Jake to Jade back and forth, especially not with their companions having been separated from them! Let's see how they're handling things in the runaway TARDISes, shall we? Oh. Oh, dear. That's just- Oh! OH! OH, MY GOD! THAT IS JUST DISTURBING! What? Oh, no, the companions are handling things just fine. I was reacting to a video I was watching. Yeah, I probably shouldn't be watching videos while I'm narrating this story. Okay, okay! I get it! No need to reprimand me, jeez!

Let's check on the ladies first.

ROSE: Is everyone alright?  
ROSE: No one disoriented or dizzy?  
JANE: I think so.  
JANE: More important question.  
JANE: What in Sam Hill just happened?  
ROXY: idk, but jade's on that frozen planet with tz and fef fighting those snowmen.  
ROXY: and were in this ship, which is who knows where.  
ROXY: oh, i am gettin to the bottom of this.  


"Lemme stop your right there, sweetie." Let's take it to the fellas.

DAVE: how long have we been on this ship?  
DIRK: Gee, I dunno, Dave.  
DIRK: I wasn't keeping track.  
DIRK: I didn't think we'd get shot into space by a rogue TARDIS.  
DAVE: was the sarcasm really necessary?  
DIRK: Was that question really necessary?  
JOHN: okay, i'm shutting this down before you guys start fighting again.  
JOHN: have either of you tried calling jake or the girls?  
DIRK: Wherever we are, we're far away from any satellites.  
DIRK: No signal.  
JOHN: damn.  
????: Oh, you wanna call your friends?  
????: Good thing you've got me, then, isn't it?  
DAVE: did you say something bro?  
DIRK: No, I didn't.  
JOHN: then who did?  


"You'll find out soon enough, Johnny Boy." Back to the ladies.

ROSE: What do you plan to do, Roxy?  
ROSE: Our phones have no signal, and none of us understand the workings of the TARDIS.  
ROXY: i know, but there has to be something we can do.  
JANE: Roxy, I admire your gumption, but until Jade and the others realize we're gone, I'm afraid we're stuck here with no one to help us.  
????: Hmm, that's where you're wrong, Janeycakes.  
JANE: Excuse me?!  
ROSE: That can't be Dirk, can it?  
ROXY: no, no, that ain't dirk.  
ROXY: voice doesnt sound quite rite  
ROXY: i've spoken with this guy enough times to tell the difference.  


DAVE: we're not being watched are we?  
DAVE: did someone sneak onboard or something?  
????: On the contrary, Dave.  
????: I've _always_ been here.  
JOHN: listen, i don't know who you are, but you better show yourself!  
????: Or what? You'll prank me?  
????: Don't make me laugh.  
DIRK: Wait a minute.  
DIRK: I know that voice all too well.  
JOHN: you do?  
DIRK: I'm pretty sure I'd know the digitally modified voice of my thirteen-year-old self.  


Simultaneously, in both TARDISes, in his newfound holographic glory, appears everyone's favorite AI splinter in a pair of sweet anime shades: Lil Hal.

LIL HAL: Ring-a-ding-a-ding! Alpha Strilondes for the win!  
LIL HAL: Bet you're shocked to see me here.  
LIL HAL: Well, the half of you that know me, that is.  
DIRK: Auto Responder, what are you doing here?  
LIL HAL: Lil Hal, Dirk. My name's Lil Hal.  
JOHN: hal? like in _2001: a space odyssey?!_  
LIL HAL: No! Not like _2001: A Space Odyssey!_  
LIL HAL: I hate when people make that comparison!  
DAVE: well youre an ai named hal  
DAVE: and hal 9000 from _2001_ fits that bill  
DAVE: cant exactly blame people for making that comparison  
LIL HAL: Okay, this is exhausting.  
LIL HAL: I'm gonna go talk to the girls instead.  


LIL HAL: Sorry you had to hear that, ladies.  
LIL HAL: Those guys, minus Dirk, are a handful.  
ROSE: Believe me, I know.  
JANE: I don't understand.  
JANE: How are you here?  
JANE: Not just here in this reality, but also here and with the boys at the same time?  
ROXY: oh don't tell me!  
ROXY: hal's the tardis!  
ROXY: remember what jade said about the tardis being a "she"?  
LIL HAL: (What the hell?)  
LIL HAL: (I took the place of a "she"?)  
LIL HAL: (Stop laughing, Egbert!)  
ROSE: I think I understand what you're saying.  
ROSE: Hal, being a sentient AI himself, took the place of the TARDIS's sentient AI.  
ROXY: exactamundo!  
ROXY: hey hal, is jakey with them?  
LIL HAL: I'm afraid not, RoLal.  
LIL HAL: English is nowhere to be seen.  
LIL HAL: Seems like the lot of you are in the same predicament.  
JANE: You mean they're without a Doctor, too?  
LIL HAL: Yep.  


DIRK: I'm guessing Jade's not with them, then?  
LIL HAL: For goodness sake, does no one listen to me?  
DAVE: were only hearing half of your conversation with the ladies  
DAVE: and its safe to assume that theyre only hearing half of our conversation  
DAVE: maybe you could connect us via video call or something?  
LIL HAL: I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.  


Lil Hal grins from ear to ear, hoping that someone will get his reference, but no one seems to have any reaction. His smile quickly fades.

LIL HAL: Seriously? No one?  
LIL HAL: Not even a chuckle?  
LIL HAL: Come on, John. You, of all people, should've gotten it!  
JOHN: oh, i did.  
JOHN: i just thought you hated when people made that comparison.  
LIL HAL: I suppose I deserve that.  
DIRK: But can you connect us?  
LIL HAL: Yeah, hold on.  


In just a few short moments, Lil Hal disappears and reappears on the screen above the TARDIS console.

LIL HAL: Okay, everyone. You better look your best, 'cause the video call is starting... now!  


Now, sit back and watch.

LIL HAL: Alright! We're all connected.  
LIL HAL: Time to get all questions into the air.  
ROXY: distri, dave, john, did your tardis suddenly take off?  
DIRK: It did, and it left Jake, Aradia, and Nepeta in a crumbling pyramid to face off against whatever upset spirits were there to hunt us down.  
ROXY: aradia and neppy were there too?  
JANE: Crumbling pyramid?  
ROSE: You upset spirits?  
ROSE: Without me?  
JOHN: more on that later.  
JOHN: what about you three?  
ROSE: Jade sent us to her TARDIS while she fought off killer snowmen with Feferi and Terezi.  
JANE: Let's not forget that they're doing it during a crazy blizzard.  
DAVE: well its good to know that jades not completely alone  
DAVE: but that just leaves one more question  
ROXY: wat's that?  
DAVE: where are we going?  
JANE: What about why the TARDISes took off in the first place?  
JANE: I think that's the more important question here.  
DIRK: Hal must've done it.  
DIRK: Now that we know that he's the TARDIS AI, it's very likely.  
LIL HAL: Yeah, that was me.  
LIL HAL: Sorry I didn't give any warnings.  
LIL HAL: I had my suspicions of that Tinman fellow, so I had hoped to talk with the eight of you, but I didn't set the auto-pilot timer long enough to account for nearby threats.  
LIL HAL: Critical error on my part.  
ROSE: Well, we can pass the news onto them next time we see them.  
ROSE: Tell us what you have to say now.  
LIL HAL: No can do, Rose.  
LIL HAL: Can't chance him listening in on our conversation.  
LIL HAL: But don't fret! Because I have the answer to your big question!  
LIL HAL: Fortunately, one of the Doctors was smart enough to chill out near a wormhole.  
JOHN: wait, you're taking us to a wormhole?!  
JANE: Lil Hal Auto Responder Strider, have you lost your artificial mind?!  
DIRK: Ooh, she called you by your full name.  
LIL HAL: Listen, I know that sounds dangerous, but if they're able to stay there and not get sucked in, we should be fine.  
ROXY: k, as the woman assigned the role of the doctor's wife, i vote we let hal continue with his plan and meet up with the lone doctor.  
ROXY: all those in favor?  


Roxy raises her hand, having no choice but to trust Hal given the circumstances. She waits for someone, anyone to follow suit, looking at her fellow companions. She sighs, then reluctantly puts her hand down, knowing that she was outnumbered.

ROXY: well ig its just you and me going with this, hal.  
JANE: No, Roxy.  
JANE: We're all in.  
ROXY: but, janey, no one else-  
JANE: Remember what you said to me and Dirk back on Ozenix?  
JANE: You're the second in command!  
JANE: With Jake, Jade, and none of the other Doctors here, we have to trust you.  
JANE: And if you trust Hal, then we do, too.  
DIRK: Jane's right.  
DIRK: Just like we trust Jake as The Doctor, we'll trust you as his wife.  


Those last few words echo in Roxy's mind. Her heart starts to flutter, her face goes slightly red, and a small grin forms on her face. Suddenly, all stress leaves her body. She has to step up and take charge. For herself, Jake, her friends, and possibly the fate of this reality.

LIL HAL: So we're all in agreement?  
LIL HAL: Wonderful.  
LIL HAL: Hold on tight. We're going into warp speed!  


Two TARDISes, six people, one AI, one destination. What, or who, awaits our brave companions at the wormhole? The answer will shock you. Or not. I dunno what you're expecting.


	21. JADE: Fend Off the Snowmen==>

# JADE: Fend Off the Snowmen

 _BOOM!_ Jade's plan works flawlessly! The burning wood blows up in front of the last of the snowmen, melting them instantly. What a relief, too. They were almost out of wood. With the snowmen dealt with, Jade decides to get her companions out of the TARDIS to tell them that the danger is gone. However, to her surprise, her TARDIS is nowhere to be seen.

JADE: what?  
JADE: where'd my tardis go?  
JADE: i could've sworn it was right here.  
JADE: oh, did it take off on its own?  
JADE: old girl, why do you do these things?  
TEREZI: 1S SOM3TH1NG WRONG J4D3?  
FEFERI: I )(ave to ask as w)(ale, jade.  
FEFERI: Do you t)(ink we mig)(t be in trouble once again?  
JADE: unless either of your tardises miraculously appear nearby, we might be.  
FEFERI: I don't t)(ink i like w)(at you're implying.  
TEREZI: YOUR T4RD1S 1S M1SS1NG 1SNT 1T?  
JADE: i'm afraid so. :/  
JADE: i don't think you've experienced this yet, but the tardis has a mind of its own and tends to fly off at random, taking you to who knows where.  
JADE: i suspect my tardis took jane, rose, and roxy to a different location because it sensed the danger.  
JADE: feferi, you said that your tardis was underwater, right?  
FEFERI: At t)(e deepest of dept)(s, yes.  
FEFERI: But i remember w)(ere it is, so if your plan is to get off t)(is planet, i'm way a)(ead of you.  
JADE: great minds think alike, fef. ;)  
JADE: which means i'll have to rely on terezi to find hers.  
JADE: terezi, do you remember what your tardis smells like?  
TEREZI: J4D3 1M OFF3ND3D TH4T YOU 4SSUM3 1 4LW4YS SM3LL TH1NGS TO FAM1L14R1Z3 MYS3LF W1TH TH3M.  
JADE: well?  
TEREZI: SOM3WH3R3 1N B3TW33N BLU3B3RRY 4ND BLU3 R4SPB3RRY.  
JADE: thank you.  
JADE: now lead the way, tz.  
JADE: fef, you know what to do.  
TEREZI: 4Y3 4Y3 C4PN. >:[ FEFERI: AY-E AY-E, CAP'N! 38D  


Feferi dives into the nearby ocean and swims to her TARDIS while Terezi sniffs out hers so they can find her companions. I'm gonna skip ahead, because the search takes quite a while.

JADE: did you find it yet?  
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU GONN4 4SK M3 TH4T 3V3RY F1FT33N M1NUT3S?  
TEREZI: WHY DONT _YOU_ SN1FF TH3 SH1P OUT?  
TEREZI: YOUR3 P4RT DOG R1GHT?  
JADE: they key word there is "part".  
JADE: besides, you're the one that assigns scents and flavors to colors.  
JADE: personally, i think thats amazing! :D  
TEREZI: W3LL 1 4PPR3C14T3 TH4T BUT 1M NOT SM3LL1NG 5NYTH1NG BLU3 SO F4R  
TEREZI: W41T HOLD ON  
TEREZI: 1M G3TT1NG SOM3TH1NG!  
TEREZI: OH Y34H B4BY W3 4R3 1N TH3 MON3Y NOW!  
JADE: oh, i can see it!  
JADE: terezi, you absolute beauty!  
TEREZI: B34UTY?  
JADE: come on, let's hurry up and get inside!  


Terezi and Jade run into the TARDIS without hesitation, finally safe from the blizzard and any other potential threats. Terezi heads toward the console while Jade hangs up her coat.

TEREZI: 1LL TRY TO CONT4CT F3F3R1 AND S33 HOW SH3S DO1NG  
JADE: is she a fast swimmer?  
TEREZI: USU4LLY BUT 1N TH4T T3CHN1COLOR DR34MCOAT SH3 MOV3S MUCH SLOW3R  
JADE: makes sense.  
JADE: that coat's basically a quilt.  
JADE: need any help?  
TEREZI: NO TH4NKS  
TEREZI: 1 C4N H4NDL3 1T  
TEREZI: T4RD1S 3N4BL3 VO1C3 1NT3RF4C3  
JADE: does this tardis even have a voice interface?  


"For Terezi's convenience, yes. But there's no hologram or voice. Just a ding and buzz for affirmative and negative."

The TARDIS dings, signaling the activation of its voice interface.

JADE: oh, i guess it does.  
TEREZI: VO1C3 1NT3RF4C3 CONT4CT F3F3R1  


_DING!_ Within seconds, the screen on the console room wall turns on, showing a very drenched Feferi in her TARDIS.

FEFERI: A)(, i sea you made it to your tardis safely! 38D  
FEFERI: W)(ere are we )(eading?  
JADE: ozenix.  
JADE: i know the coordinates, so i'll input them and set the tardis to auto pilot.  
TEREZI: 3XCUS3 M3 M1SS DOGGY  
TEREZI: WHO 3X4CTLY PUT YOU 1N CH4RG3?  
JADE: myself, the moment i stepped inside, so unless you have a better idea of where to go, i suggest you shut up and trust me.  
TEREZI: W3LL YOUR3 TH3 BOSS J4D3  
FEFERI: You didn't give in so easily to me, terezi!  
TEREZI: WH4T C4N 1 S4Y?  
TEREZI: TH3 WOM4NS 4SS3RT1V3  
TEREZI: 1 L1K3 TH4T >:]  


"Well, technically speaking, she does have seniority. With her being the oldest incarnation of The Doctor and all."

Jade inputs the coordinates to Ozenix and pulls the lever, dematerializing the TARDIS and sending it on it's journey.

JADE: and we are off!  
JADE: we should be on ozenix in a few minutes.  
JADE: i'll send you the coordinates, fef.  
JADE: hopefully jake and the guys are doing well.  
FEFERI: S)(ore thing.  
TEREZI: 1 H34RD TH3R3S 4N OB3L1SK ON TH3 PL4N3T SOM3WH3R3  
TEREZI: TH4TS WH3R3 W3R3 GO1NG R1GHT?  
JADE: an obelisk?  
JADE: i don't remember seeing one, and i definitely haven't heard anything about one.  
FEFERI: Maybe it's in a different area of t)(e planet?  
JADE: no, it can't be.  
JADE: there's only one town on the whole planet, and i'm pretty sure i'd have seen an obelisk.  
FEFERI: Eit)(er way, we s)(ould inform t)(em on w)(ere we're )(eading.  
FEFERI: Once we get t)(ere, we'll get to t)(e bottom of t)(is.  


The TARDIS screen turns off, leaving Terezi and Jade to chat amongst each other.

JADE: hey, terezi?  
TEREZI: Y34H?  
JADE: what do you think of... this?  
TEREZI: WH4T DO YOU M34N?  
JADE: this whole thing.  
JADE: us getting sucked into the whoniverse, having to take on these roles, the strange happeneings, all of this.  
JADE: it all seems a little too organized, don't you think?  
TEREZI: 1 DUNNO  
TEREZI: TH3R3 4R3 T1M3S 1 TH1NK C3RT41N OCCUR4NC3S W3R3 PL4NN3D  
TEREZI: OTH3R T1M3S 1 TH1NK TH3YR3 JUST STR4NG3 CO1NC1D3NC3S  
TEREZI: WH4T DO _YOU_ TH1NK OF TH1S?  
JADE: i feel just about the same, tz.  
JADE: when we meet up with the guys on ozenix, i say we travel more carefully from here on out.  
TEREZI: WH4T 4BOUT TH3 DOCTORS W3 H4V3NT S33N Y3T?  
TEREZI: K4N4Y4 G4MZ33 3QU1US SOLLUX 4ND K4RK4T 4R3 ST1LL OUT TH3R3 F4C1NG WHO KNOWS WH4T  
JADE: the others, i worry about, but i trust kanaya to keep her cool under pressure.  
JADE: or go completely mad.  
JADE: she's smart, but tough when it matters.  
TEREZI: T3LL M3 4BOUT 1T  
TEREZI: ON3 T1M3 1 SWOR3 SH3 W4S 4LMOST GONN4 CUT 3R1D4N 1N H4LF  


Yeah, all permanent deaths have been retconned.

JADE: wow, really?  
JADE: remind me to not get on her bad side, then! XD  
TEREZI: 1 WOULDNT WORRY 4BOUT 1T  
TEREZI: UNL3SS YOUR3 4 R34L P41N 1N H3R K31ST3R SH3LL B3 4BL3 TO 4T L34ST TOL3R4T3 YOU  
JADE: good to know.  
JADE: still, this is all so... bizzare.  
JADE: next time i see tinman, i'll have some choice questions for him.  


Yeah, I can't think of any cheesy narratorial way to end this, so we're just gonna show what happened with Jake, Aradia, and Nepeta while these ladies did their thing.

Oh, wait, hold on. Looks like a certain someone's just gotten on his ship with a certain alien from a certain planet. Yeah, that was far too vague. Tinman's just captured J'cleia from Ozenix and is getting back on his ship. Jade and the others will neither notice nor care, but you definitely should. It's not enought to warrant a whole segment, but let's see what he's up to, shall we?

TINMAN: WELL, WELL, WELL, LITTLE ALIEN CREATURE.  
TINMAN: YOU SEEM TO HAVE BEEN VERY CLOSE WITH MY FRIENDS.  
TINMAN: YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO KNOW THEIR WHEREABOUTS, WOULDN'T YOU?  


J'cleia tries to escape Tinman's grasp while squealing frantically. Tinman rolls his would-be eyes and takes out a smal, chip-like device and places it on J'cleia's neck.

TINMAN: NOW, WOULD YOU REPEAT THAT?  
J'CLEIA: release me, you chromatic cretin!  
J'CLEIA: i have told you numerous times that i haven't the slightest idea where your "friends" are!  
J'CLEIA: do not blame me for *your* inability to understand the native language of ozenix.  
TINMAN: WELL, NOW I CAN, SO TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW!  
J'CLEIA: eep! okay, okay!  
J'CLEIA: the last time i saw them was on this planet, getting into what i presume were their ships.  
J'CLEIA: i've not seen them since.  
TINMAN: AH, I SEE.  
TINMAN: I HAD HOPED THEY'D STAY ON OZENIX WHILE I GATHERED THE OTHERS.  
TINMAN: FORTUNATELY, THEIR ESCAPADES ARE MAKING IT MUCH EASIER FOR ME TO ROUND THEM ALL UP.  
TINMAN: THEN I CAN PUT MY PLAN INTO FRUITION.  
J'CLEIA: plan? what plan?  
TINMAN: DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW.  
TINMAN: YOU'RE TRYING TO STOP ME.  
TINMAN: THAT'S WHY YOU CAME HERE TO OZENIX DISGUISED AS A LOCAL CHILD, ISN'T IT?  
TINMAN: YOU WERE HOPING TO WARN THEM OF MY PLAN, WEREN'T YOU?  
J'CLEIA: very well, then.  
J'CLEIA: yoU've caUght me.  
J'CLEIA: bUt yoUr plan will never sUcceed!  
TINMAN: YOu MAY THINK THAT. BuT YOu FAIL TO uNDERSTAND ONE IMPORTANT THING.  
TINMAN: THOSE DOCTORS TRuST ME WITH THEIR LIVES.  
TINMAN: A FATAL MISTAKE ON THEIR PART. BuT ONE THAT BENEFITS ME.  
TINMAN: NO MATTER WHAT YOu DO. YOu ARE THE ONE WHO WILL FAIL.  
J'CLEIA: don't let yoUr hUbris cloUd yoUr vision.  
J'CLEIA: yoU're Unfamiliar with this world, bUt yoUr adversaries are not.  
J'CLEIA: yoU've made the mistake of Underestimating them before.  
J'CLEIA: yoU shoUld jUst accept defeat now.  
TINMAN: I WILL NOT ACCEPT DEFEAT!  
TINMAN: I WILL SUCCEED. AND ALL OF REALITY SHALL KNOW...  
TINMAN: uNIVERSAL TuRMOIL!  


Ah-ha! Yes! Finally! I've been looking so long for a fitting subtitle for this! Oh, also, looks like there's more going on that we thought. Anyway, back to the pyramid crashers.


	22. JAKE: Find a TARDIS, Any TARDIS==>

# JAKE: Find a TARDIS, Any TARDIS==>

Jake, Aradia, and Nepeta search everywhere inside the collapsing pyramid for a TARDIS, in every room, tomb, and catacomb. The search is dangerous, y'know, with all the debris and such falling all around them, but thanks to Jake's survival instincts, Nepeta's cat-like reflexes, Aradia's... Aradianess, and a little bit of narratorial divine intervention, they finally find both remaining TARDISes conveniently placed in a tomb filled with gold and jewelry.

JAKE: Thank the heavens above!  
JAKE: We finally found them!  
ARADIA: 0kay jake wh0 are y0u riding with  
JAKE: Wait you expect me to choose?  
JAKE: I couldnt possibly do that!  
JAKE: Out of all the trolls youre in the top three.  
NEPETA: :33< then just choose the one of us thats higher up!  
NEPETA: :33< we purromise we wont get upset!  
JAKE: Oh jeezum creezum.  
JAKE: Then ill travel with you neppy.  
NEPETA: :33< then come on in!  


Jake looks at Aradia, hoping that she isn't upset. But she's barely showed any emotion other than happiness all the time, judging by the constant smile, so he guesses she isn't. She isn't, by the way. She knows that he gets a little creeped out by her sometimes.

After clarifying Aradia's apathy, Jake and Nepeta get into their TARDIS while Aradia gets into hers. Once inside, they are greeted with a video call from none other than Feferi!

FEFERI: A)(! ARADIA! JAK-E! N-EP-ETA!  
FEFERI: I'M SO )(APPY TO S-EA YOU! 38D  
JAKE: Fef? Is something wrong?  
FEFERI: Yes. We got separated from rose, roxy, and jane.  
ARADIA: what a c0incidence  
ARADIA: we recently g0t separated fr0m dave dirk and j0hn  
FEFERI: I )(ad an eeling.  
FEFERI: It )(appened while we were fending off t)(ose snowmen.  
FEFERI: Jade's planning on meeting up on ozenix, near t)(e obelisk.  
JAKE: Obelisk? I dont remember seeing an obelisk.  
FEFERI: T)(at's w)(at jade said!  
FEFERI: But apparently, it's t)(ere.  
FEFERI: S)(ould stick out like a s)(ore t)(umb.  
NEPETA: :33< then we shall s33 you thr33 there!  
JAKE: Yeah. Hopefully we can get to the bottom of this kerfuffle.  
FEFERI: Try not to get overw)(elmed wit)( all t)(e gills t)(ere, jake!  
FEFERI: BY-E! 38D  


The video call ends, leaving Jake confused by Feferi's last statement.

JAKE: What the dickens did she mean by that?  
NEPETA: :33< dont you go gaga for the gals?  
JAKE: Only if they either are or associated with blue.  
JAKE: Of course there are exceptions like janey and vriska.  
JAKE: Aradia caught my eye once but we work better as friends.  
JAKE: Fef is charming but i think id be getting far too big for my britches going after her.  
JAKE: Kanaya and rose are married terezis unsettling jades my ectogranddaughter and youre far too sweet for me.  
JAKE: So ill be fine on ozenix.  
NEPETA: :33< *nepeta notices that her tardis buddy didnt mention a certain bombshell blonde with a certain affinity fur cats*  


Jake had never considered Roxy a potential partner. Well, not genuinely. He had occasionally entertained the idea as a joke, and he definitely felt things, but actually pursuing a serious connection with her never crossed his mind. That being said, he _does_ enjoy her company more than most. Once, they spent a whole night together watching a movie and didn't say a word to each other. They just enjoyed each others' presence and vibes.

JAKE: Oh right. Roxy.  
JAKE: Tell you the truth ive no idea quite how i feel about her.  
JAKE: Shes a phenomenal friend and spectacular adventuring partner.  
JAKE: But i dont think i should go any further than that if i *could* for that matter.  
JAKE: Its like when youre good at something and your satiasfied with your skills but youre scared to take them one step further because youre afraid itll all go wrong even though you *really* want to.  
JAKE: Thats how im feeling neppy.  
JAKE: What should i do?  
NEPETA: :33< as a rogue of heart i say you should just go fur it.  
NEPETA: :33< aside from dirk shes the only purrson you s33m to have strong romantic f33lings fur.  
NEPETA: :33< and if things f33l awkward you could pass it off as staying in character.  
JAKE: Have you met roxy?  
JAKE: Shes really smart. Shell see right through that ruse.  
JAKE: Ill just have to hope that she feels the same.  
NEPETA: :33< then just do that if it helps.  


Jake thinks for a moment. There's so many other things he's missed out on because he was too scared of the outcome to take the chance. But whether it be Nepeta's encouragement, the newfound confidence, or his final developmental stage as a Page, Jake won't let this opportunity pass.

JAKE: Thanks neppy.  
JAKE: Im glad i chose to travel with you.  
JAKE: You always know exactly what to say to lift my spirits.  
NEPETA: :33< is that why im your second favorite troll?  
NEPETA: :33< or are you just glad i gave you really good love advice?  
JAKE: Both. And hell if me and tav didnt share a class youd be my favorite!  
NEPETA: :33< *nepeta grins from ear to ear and purrs with delight*  
JAKE: Youre also just really flipping cute.  


The TARDIS engine groans as the ship lands. They've arrived on Ozenix. Nepeta opens the TARDIS doors and looks outside. As clear as day, there it is: the obelisk. Jake stands in bewilderment, wondering where the obelisk came from.

JAKE: Well neppy here we go.  
JAKE: Time to get some answers.  


Jake and Nepeta exit the TARDIS, and are greeted by Aradia, Feferi, Terezi, and Jade standing in front of the obelisk, as agreed.

JAKE: Okay jade whatre you thinking?  
JAKE: Do you know what the deal is with this obelisk?  
JAKE: Or how we got separated from our companions?  
JADE: i've been doing a lot of thinking and talking with terezi about our recent strifes and current circumstances.  
JADE: i'm still a little unsure of some things, but there's one thing i'm certain of.  
JAKE: And that is?  
JADE: tinman's up to something sinister, and it could mean the end of this reality and ours.  



End file.
